The Armstrong 5

I'm so tired of getting sick! I've never been sick so frequently as I have been since we've moved. Stress, business, etc. - maybe that's all it is. Either way, I hope it stays away for a while! No ER trips though, so that is good :)

Yep, you guessed it, we've been busy! But, I'm trying to just keep telling myself that this is just how life is. Sadly, blogging is not super high on the priority list right now. When I think about it logically, I wish it was. I like to share about the boys, to write out all the fun stuff we do & all the memories we create. But to do this so often is more than I can commit to. Sorry :( But, I think as long as I can get on here once or twice a month, maybe it will still be worthwhile!

Lately... hmmm... I am honestly having a hard time remembering what we've been up to. For about a week the boys were sick with colds... so I had a lot of down time with reading, blowing noses & just daily home-life maintenance. Then I got sick for a few days right after. I did A LOT of reading - well, a lot for a mom I guess. I read the first book in The Hunger Games series, watched the movie, bought the next two books & read half of the 2nd book. They are engrossing, but also sickening. It's hard for me to read it. I am captivated & want to get through it, but my stomach churns with the depravity & desperation portrayed in these books. I cannot imagine living (much less surviving) in their world. Or, in many worlds on this earth I suppose. That's another topic for later (that would also take forever) - I am constantly trying to understand the intricate balances (rather, imbalances) in our world that cause hardship, poverty & all the other things that damage people. I have no answer for situations on earth, just the answer that it will come to an end & if you trust in Jesus as Savior, you are promised to have a beautiful, eternally wonderful life after this one is finished.

I also read a book for book-club. Here's a link to the book - definitely a worth-while read - The Dressmakers of Khair Khana. Wasn't as good as The Dovekeepers, but still a good read. Also, if you're in the area & want to join our book club, here is the link - http://cuckoosnestreaders.blogspot.com) So, I'm pretty sure I'll get to cross of the "Read 12 books" part of my 30 before 30 list. Many items on that list will not get done - like the 5k, eh. I'm not a long distance runner... I know, 3.24 miles is not that far, but if you really know me, you know it is far for me. But, I'm okay with that. I feel like I've been working to accomplish things I normally give up on & that's what my list was all about. Yes, I would have liked to get in all the training to really be able to run a 5k, but with Mark's old commute making it more than challenging to find the time to run, my old commitments, the move, guests, the sickness & my silly IT bands, it just got put on a very far back burner. Maybe next summer ;)

The kids, oh the kids... they are hilarious. Cole is really picking up speed in his language development. We can understand most of what he says! Yay!! He still mumbles a lot when he is excited, but he shows us that he is able to repeat us clearly, so that is great. I think he is just less observant than average & doesn't care too much for detail, so it comes across in his speech. He really is expressive though, always excited about something. He's such a happy kid. And brave. You should see him at Oaks Park. He rode on the roller-coaster alone with his friend Hayden... he looked terrified the whole time, but afterwards was acting like it was loads of fun. He also insisted on going down the huge, gunny-sack slide by himself. That was hilarious. He doesn't pay attention to the bumps so he gets flung back a bit on each bump, again having that terrified look on his face. So funny. Cole keeps me laughing all day long.

Asher is really growing up. He's attaching to me in such beautiful ways. I hope to foster that - so he can always be unashamed of his love & feelings for people. He's becoming much less shy, much more silly & still even more thoughtful. Also, as a by product, Mark & I have to save many conversations for once the kids are in bed. We don't want to hide stuff from the kids, but just certain things that married couples joke about that are not appropriate for unmarrieds ;) Asher will hear something we say, then days later ask us what we meant or just talk about it with us. I love that he is so observant... I hope it will not hinder him but help him gain skills throughout his life.

Anyway, Cole is up from nap & desiring my attention. Maybe next time I will post some pics!! I know you all love seeing my cute kids as much as I do ;) Thanks for taking time to catch up a bit...

Hello friends & followers :) Been a while huh? Life has been busy, but what is new?

Mark went to Germany for work again this month - for 11 days! I still cannot believe we made it :) It is so good to have him home. How did we survive? Canning all sorts of peach concoctions, trip to McMinnville, trip to Olympia, play-date at a park, small group, Menchie's & more. It was a good time of bonding for the kids & me, but I am glad it is over. Gives me a whole new perspective towards truly single-moms... moms out there with no father figure for their children, no extra help around the house & no break from caring for children.

Other than that, we've been busy with all the regular family type stuff. Getting to know folks at church, we took a family trip with some of his siblings & his parents to stay at his their place in Crooked River, lots of trips to parks & the playground nearby... I don't think we've ever been "out and about" quite as much as we have been lately. It's been fun!

We are slowly getting settled. I unpacked a couple more boxes while Mark was gone & hung up lots of photos on the walls. We will still need more seating to make it great for having people over, but we've made do so far. We've had lots of guests in & out since moving here as well. The Lacines, the Cantralls, the Watsons, the Crockers (twice, soon to be thrice) plus a hoard of people on 4th of July & a couple play-dates in there too... I feel a lot more comfortable with having people over for dinner for sure!

The boys have been having a blast this summer. Playing with new friends, going to a couple fairs, having adventures at new places & enjoying a lovely backyard. I think this will be a summer of fun that we will all remember for a while!

I've taken a super long break from photography - with Mark's old commute & now with being in a new place, it's not exactly been a huge priority, and I'm not sure it will ever be. But, I am going to be working again just a day a week or so & hopefully, I can get behind my old camera enough to fund getting a new one soon! Still, if you're desperate for portraits, I'm totally game for it ;)

Many things have been driving me to God lately. Lots of sorrow happening & need in general in the lives of people around me & just realizing the great needs of people worldwide - if I could pray all day, every day, I still don't feel like there would be enough time. I live a very privileged life these days, even among American women & I'm working through the responsibility that brings. I'm a terrible "do-er" and a great "thinker" but I am still striving for a place where I can be of use. Don't get me wrong, I totally know I am beneficial being a home-maker, but my heart's yearning is still growing. I'm unsure if this is just simply how it is to yearn for eternal life & restoration, or if this is the fire God is putting in my heart to get to work at other things while here on earth. I enjoy this feeling of yearning for His goodness to be spread, but it makes it hard to sit still & even harder to be active day after day, still feeling just as much, if not more, yearning as each day ends. This consumes much of my down-time, thinking & praying through these things. But, I cannot sit & only think, it requires doing, so I'm working on that.

Well, that's about it for now. I'll post a few pics of the last few months so you can be entertained by more than just my ongoing babble. Thanks for following :)

So yeah, I stink at blogging here :P Ah well. At least I can admit it!! But I'm hoping to blog a bit more regularly on my Small Mustard Seed blog at least - kind of like a bunch of little devotionals. I like the idea... it'll be a challenge for me & I need to at least attempt it!

One funny story about the boys & I need to take care of laundry (I have a million funny ones lately, so hopefully that will give me good reason to write again soon)!

The other morning, the boys came out of their room at about 6:30am. We have a "rule" that is mostly enforced (with little convincing thankfully) that they stay in until after 7am. So, as they walk into our room oh so quietly, Mark says "Guys, it's too early. You're gonna need to go back to bed." And without a peep, a tear, a change in posture or any other negative thing, they just turn around! They walk perfectly, sweetly & quietly into their room, turn the fan back on and close the door!!! Seriously, amazing! Mark & I were in shock!!! It was one of the sweetest moments. Then, at about 7am, I go in & they are both in bed, just chatting & laughing. I told Asher he did such a great job - then ask if he knows what he did... "I listened & obeyed" ... seriously, anyone else's heart melting?? It's good to know some things are sinking in :)

I'm proud that he is getting big enough to really think & make decisions on his own. Can't believe he's almost halfway through age 4!! They grow too fast :)

Well, I bit the bullet & took the boys to pick strawberries. I was just going to buy them, but decided last minute that it would still be worth picking (too expensive to just buy them outright)! I made lots of freezer jam - strawberry & raspberry. So I sort of crossed that off my 30 before 30 list. I'd like to get more berries for freezing, but I'll need to buy a freezer for the garage before I do that... which might be a while... I need to scour craigslist!

We're settling into the new house very well. I had my first real visitor from McMinnville today - Sarah Freeborn! She's one of my closest friends & definitely someone I'll miss seeing every Sunday & Tuesday (at least). We chat about anything & everything, & our children get along well enough for us to do it for a few hours with just some minor interruptions ;) It was a great time! I look forward to more visitors & hopefully I'll get the hang of being a good hostess. I'm not naturally gifted in that area but I am enjoying trying!

Lots of things are happening these next 2 weeks. Sarah's visit today, Rayma coming tomorrow, going to Yamhill to visit some of our Texas family (and all the local ones too) on Friday, then early next week the Lacines will be here! Plus, my little blond sister (see her blog here) will come down for the 3rd & 4th of July as well - it'll be a blast!! Then I can cross of throwing a holiday party off my 30 list too. And I added another book I read to be 30 list... I'm going to need to blog about that later... it would be WAY too long to tack onto here... it'll likely be too long by itself already!

Anyway, I'm still working on getting unpacked, putting art on the walls, finding homes for all the little odds & ends one keeps in a home... there's still a long way to go, but I'm happy with the speed I'm going at. I've been spending one day a week really hammering out a lot of work, then just another hour or two each day putting things in place. We still have a long list of "needs" for things... storage bins, freezer, couch, couch, bed... plus all the random things we haven't bought in years because we've been too strapped to do it... dressers, bed frames for all of us, etc. God has really blessed us though. I'm getting closer to being at peace with all our financial hardships - it has been a tough road, but I never want to be unwilling to take on the challenges in life... after all, they have a great capacity to bring me closer to Him!

Have a great weekend & a wonderful 4th (next week). It's unlikely you'll hear from me before then ;) Someday I'll take & post some pics... that's how I string you all along right?

Well, we did it! We moved! So glad it's over. All that packing & keeping necessary items out while cleaning & planning was definitely crazy. Much thanks to the few amazing people who helped us load up Paul's trailer & haul it to the new place late Friday night - I was close to dying from exhaustion & you all rescued me!

So, we're getting settled in nicely. We have internet as of today, we have all our essentials unpacked & many of the non-essentials, a fair amount of cardboard is strewn across the house along with lots of toys & random objects... so yeah, we're making good progress :) I have almost the entire kitchen all squared away & I broke it in with baking some amazing strawberry scones - the strawberries were from a local farm too! We're planning on BBQ'ing tonight to break that in as well.

I love the house so far. I love the location too. It's very quiet & incredibly serene. The backyard is beautiful, simple & should be easy to care for (though we might hire someone, depending on if we can get our hands on a mower soon). We feel very at home here, and surprisingly, our furniture actually works perfectly as well! We thought it might be awful & that we'd have to live with mismatched stuff for months until we could buy some more, but everything is fitting very well into place.

My brain is a little bit fried - so much planning & so many to-do's - I cannot write much else today for fear of getting way beyond what I can handle ;) We'll just say, in a few weeks when things have settled down, I'll have to really work on some of my weaknesses & I'm not sure how that will all play out. I want to, but I also don't want to. I'm just praying for a few people God will bring into my life to help me in these ways. And to be willing to let me husband help push me as well, without going all crazy on him!

Well, I best be getting to a few things - let me know if you want to visit... I'll bake something yummy & we can let the kids lose out back!

I feel like I probably use this title a lot. But, it's a good way to prep you for my random, not so put together post about life in general.

We signed the lease on our new place. Again, we move June 15th. Crazy! Less than 4 weeks! It will be so nice to have Mark closer to work. Lately, we've really seen the affects of his being gone so much. He's running on less than empty. Driving, carpooling, working, driving home again & then dinner, maybe an hour or two with the family, then wind down, go to bed, start over! Not exactly thrilling. But then again, we have it pretty easy here in America. I always wonder how people in 3rd world countries survive. To me, it explains their incredible joy in Christ - their life is so overrun with trauma, difficulties & daily struggles to survive that eternity is so much more of a joyous prize.

I've been especially convicted on this lately. Life is hard with kids & an overworked husband, but it's not that hard. I mean, I've barely thought about how to pay for food or bills (although, we've got debt we're paying down, so there is a lot of thought about that), we've gotten to enjoy several fun dates & events with friends... I start to wonder if an easy life leads to some of the emotional struggles I've been facing. Feeling unaccomplished but not having a very clear idea of what I wish to be accomplished in. Feeling not as happy as I'd like but not being able to pinpoint why. Wishing for better things in life but feeling like I have no clue as to what those things would be.

Today was a bit of a breakthrough. Nothing real significant, but I have purpose today - things to get done. I wonder how much of that strange, inexplicable hopelessness comes from not having things to do. In America, as a stay at home mom, a lot of my work is simple & quick. It doesn't take that long to sweep, or too long to clean a well-steamed bathroom or even that long to fold 3-4 loads of laundry. Granted, I could stand to clean more often than I do, but things are clean enough most of the week and my husband never runs out of clean underwear :) Anyway, I've just been thinking about what my true desires are & have been a bit disappointed. I know where they should be and recognize that they aren't there. And in case you're wondering, they should be focused on being light to a dark world, to my children, family, friends, etc. But, instead, I'm all focused on how to make my life "complete" so to speak. Learning to trust in being complete by putting myself below others in order to glorify God is a really tough pill to swallow. And it doesn't come with a lot of visible rewards (at least not often).

So, yeah, that's where I'm at. It's tough for me to not get overly down on myself - seeing the bad parts of me makes me want to give up. So I'm learning (or at least trying to learn) to see the bad & ask for help instead of just running or hiding. Ugh, such a weakness of mine.

On a more cheerful note, our family has gotten to do a few fun things lately! We went to the coast & visited the Aquarium - I seemed to remember it being way cooler than it was... Mark & I much prefer the zoo. Ah well, the boys had fun & now we know. We also went to see a lighthouse which was great & the views from all the cliffs were incredible.





Mark & I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert with Dave & Rayma a week or so ago - that was also really fun! We had an amazing dinner at Pastini, great conversation & thoroughly enjoyed the music. The band had an 8 piece orchestra (all strings) playing with them, which was seriously beautiful. So, there are 2 things off my 30 before 30 list!

We've really been enjoying the sun the last few weeks, but I've actually really enjoyed the rain the last 2 days as well. I'm such an Oregonian! It really is a lovely thing when you don't have to go out in it :) Here's a pic of Asher enjoying Grandma's little pool on one of the hot days. And following it is Cole on another warm day, digging in the sandbox.



My boys are growing up right before my eyes! Cole is speaking in more complete sentences & Asher is becoming more observant & thoughtful every day. He observes things that Mark & I sometimes miss! Cole is learning responsibilities like clearing his dishes, putting his drink in the fridge, putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, hanging his sweatshirt up after coming inside - simple stuff. He can almost count to 20 by himself - he skips 13 & 15, then often goes back to 16 after 18... it's a work in progress. Cole is starting to recognize that words "say something" rather than just being pictures. He can sing his ABC's (it's adorable, I should really record it) but he doesn't really know a ton of letters yet. Odly, he really knows U & R with a handful of others. It's crazy to see him learn things Asher has learned... we're really coming out of the toddler stage with him. Oh, and he's either left-handed or ambidextrous. He eats with his left but can eat equally well with his right. He can throw & color with his left at about the same ease as his right & as you've witnessed, he "plays" guitar left-handed as well. Mark's sister Mary is left-handed and she is the red-head in the family too... yet more Armstrong features Cole has. He appears to have my athleticism at least... well, at least a little more than average.

Asher is able to read a lot of words. We've been trying to go through "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" but he's a little beyond some of it already. Some of it is not very challenging, but I want to make sure we don't skip & miss some of the important letter combination sounds. He does it mostly willingly if we lay on the floor or sit on the couch. I try not to push him even though he's very capable b/c while he can read a lot, I want him to see the purpose in it... which he doesn't really want right now. What 4 yr old thinks they really need to know how to read by themselves anyway! He is absolutely LOVING watching the Chronicles of Naria! We have "The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe" and "Price Caspian" & he is all about them - fighting, using swords, pretending to be Peter or Caspian. There's a scene in each where either Peter or Caspian plunge their sword into the ice/grass - yesterday Asher says "But when Peter does it, his mouth doesn't say anything." Yep, he got it right. Peter just does it without yelling, while Caspian shouts in angst while he does it. Again, so observant.

Well, I'll keep you posted on packing & stuff as it gets going. Right now, I'm just organizing & sorting, purging & giving (and hoping to sell a few things). Just over 3 weeks... I'm nervous & anxious to get out there. Daily life will be different & we've been here for a while now - both in McMinnville & in this house. I'm trying to just plug away bit by bit, but I know the actual packing part will come sooner than expected! It'll be good though. I have no clue why God is moving us or any idea what things will come next in life for us, but I'm attempting to get excited about it... hoping God will change that in my heart as well. Thanks for following, praying & encouraging!

So, after lots of prayer, searching, looking, applying & wondering, we finally found a place in Tigard that God has worked out for us to move into! It only took 6 months ;) I guess that's not really a long wait, but it was certainly a challenging time - wondering if we should or shouldn't move, looking at places & getting excited only to have it not work out. With this house, everything has gone very smoothly so far - the owners said we were their first choice & we just really feel a peace about the timing & the house itself. Mark & I are both able to finish out our church commitments with worship & bible study, so maybe that's all the wait was for.

It will definitely be a big change. We have moved a lot in our marriage (once for every year we've been married) but this is the first really big move since we've been a family - we've been in McMinnville & going to Creekside since we got pregnant with Asher. And now, this place is where we plan to be unless Mark's job situation changes drastically or we buy a house (neither of which are very likely as far as we can see). While we know people in Tigard/Beaverton & some of our best friends are just in SE Portland, we are going to a place where we don't know very many people. That being said, we're moving to a neighborhood right between Tigard & Beaverton, off of Barrows Rd/Menlor St, so if you live in the area give me a heads up!

So, June 15th is the day. If you want/need our address, shoot me an email or text. If you are looking for a roomy & beautiful 2bd place to rent in McMinnville, shoot me an email & I will refer you to my in-laws ;) It's been such a growing time for us, being in one spot with one body of believers & going through several jobs & many challenges. Wonder what awaits us in Tigard?!

Thanks to all you McMinnville people, supporting, helping & loving us - you'll be missed, but we won't be gone forever. We'll still be visiting our family often & since I have the most absolutely best hairstylist in the world, I will definitely be making regular visits back to town for that too ;) Stay in touch!

Raising boys is hilarious. Exhausting. Funny. Adventurous & such a blessing. If you don't  have boys, here's what an average morning usually includes... enjoy!

I've been reading this book recently & absolutely love it! If you have kids & you ever plan on helping them learn something, you NEED to read it!! NEED TO! :)

It's called "For the Children's Sake" written by Frances Schaeffer's daughter (Susan Schaeffer MacAulay) & it's based partially on her own experience with education, as well as principles studied & carried out by a woman named Charlotte Mason. I'm re-reading the beginning since it took me a while to get through all of it (I'm usually reading 3-10 books at a time) but I zoomed through the last half.

I'll spare you lots of details - because there are a lot of them in the book - but basically, it takes a look at the purpose of education & shows how structure can often be detrimental, how sitting in a room for 6 hours does not produce the kind of education we want to give children & how children are living beings, ready to explore & learn in fun ways. There's so much more to it than that, but you'll have to see for yourself. I'm excited to implement suggestions in my kids' lives & see them be excited to discover new things.

My favorite suggestion was how to let kids learn to enjoy art. You give them a small print, like a postcard, of a famous painting. Let them look at it & then turn it facing down. Let them tell you what they saw. Ask a few questions like "What colors did you like?" & let them share. Then, have them turn it to see the "painting" again & watch them look at it more intensely. She recommends doing this with a new painting every few months. This is something she did with her kids and as they got older, they were so excited to go to museums & see "their" paintings! There are lots of ways you can make it fun. Have them paint their own interpretation, not a representation, just what the painting looks like to them. Susan also talks a lot about not putting adult expectations on children - don't give them a coloring book where they are expected to color inside lines that adults drew. Give them blank paper to create their own masterpieces from their own imagination.

The absolute core idea to this book is that education is life. As a person, you learn your whole life. If we treat learning like a one time accomplishment that you receive a piece of paper for, that's all students will achieve. Education is a tool to enjoy life going on around us! The more we can teach little ones to enjoy seeing, learning  & exploring new things, the more they will get from life. And that's the goal right? To enjoy the life & breath that Jesus has given us, to share that joy with others! This book is obviously from a Christian perspective & there is a section on how God's truth permeates all of education. She emphasizes that teaching children about the world needs to be centered on teaching them the truth of God's creation & His loving kindness.

This books is such a wonderful balance of enjoying life & using necessary tools to work at learning skills that are useful. I have been on & off the fence about giving my kids an education at home. This book however, makes me want to do homeschool them. Not because homeschooling is easy, always fun or better (necessarily). But because it seems like an amazing opportunity to be a part of seeing my kids' minds grow in knowledge & beauty... I feel like it would be worth the sacrifice to take part in that. We'll see how I feel in the next couple years ;)

Anyway, if you are a mom at home, a dad who takes part in these kinds of decisions, or a teacher of children at any age, you really should read this book. It'll change the way you see children & life!

I think this phrase is funny. Mostly because I think most American's see "the charmed life" as a dream - house in Malibu, pool in the backyard, wonderful kids who go to private school & excel, wonderful parents & friends, nice cars, money to pay bills & do fun activities almost anytime you want, money to eat out often... what else... did I mention money? It's insane how central money is to dreams like these.

When I think about the kind of life I want, I get so distracted. I don't know what I want. I know lots of little things I don't like & a few things that I wish for, but my brain gets going & I can't help but start asking lots of other questions. Things like: What is really wrong with my life? What do I think would make it better? Is that just better in my opinion? Do I honestly think all these small changes will miraculously make me the person I wish I was? Do I even actually want to be the kind of person I wish I was?

My brain is on constant overdrive. I'm thinking all day long about lots of important & unimportant things. My weight, my appearance, my habits, my kids & their habits, our finances, our goals in life, my friends & their situations, the lost, the homeless, how hungry I am & those last 10lbs I "want" to lose... the list goes on. But every day, I seem to go around in a complete circle. Trying to find a way to make my life make sense. Trying to make my life be one that counts. Trying to figure out what that looks like. Thinking about what I think that should look like. Trying to figure out what God thinks that looks like. Trying to find a plan that accomplishes all of that. Talk about overwhelming.

Truth is, I will never figure it out. But I cannot help but feel like there is an adventure ahead that I cannot quite connect with yet or even imagine. Then again, maybe this is my own doing - maybe it's just my desire to be an important person, with amazing gifts that makes an impact to change the world - maybe it's just those things sprouting up & making me discontent, rather than driving me forward in actual service. Honestly, I spend a lot more time thinking about how I could make an impact than just being the type of person who impacts the people they are around. But there is this constant battle inside - the battle for simplicity feels like it is fighting against the battle of accomplishment (notice I said "feels," not that is actually is).

There are lots of worthwhile endeavors out there, and how am I - in my finite mind, with my finite time, with my finite energies & puny little amount of knowledge - supposed to just choose & move forward? How do I choose what to pursue? Many people say "Just pursue what God puts in front of you." Hmmm. There are lots of things in front of me. Maybe if I just tried one after the next, I would see them either fall through or flourish. But then my mind says "How can I spend all that time on something that might not work out?" So then I sit & wallow some more.

As you can tell, I am pretty melancholic. :) I'm not a very good "do-er." I have so much ambition, but haven't quite found my area to put all that ambition into. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of worthwhile things, but nothing so far has really felt quite like the perfect fit. Is it supposed to? As a follower of Jesus, my main goals are to glorify God, rest contentedly in Him & spread His love in any way I can. I definitely can accomplish all those things by being a stay at home mom, a respectful wife & an honest friend. I do believe that these tasks are most important, and if I cannot do them, I need to cross other things off my list. But right now, I see so many things in this broken world that need fixed, that I want to be a part of the fixing, but opportunities have not risen for me to participate in them the way I hope or even in ways that I am able to commit to.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not depressed or upset, I'm not intentionally trying to find fulfillment outside of God (and praying that I'm not, but rather just seeking His guidance). My goal is just to voice this yearning inside me that hasn't found a good place to shout & jump & go. I don't want to be discontent, I want to have joy (which I often do) but I also want to be a part of this big mission God has to bring people to Himself and it hasn't gone exactly the way I imagined or wished. I always think I can plan out the best way to be a part of the different things He's doing around the globe, but I continually have to leave that up to Him. Pray for me as I seek Him, as I ask for His peace & join in His mission. Pray for my family, that we will always have the same goal in mind.

I don't know that any big changes are on the horizon. Actually, there aren't any that I can even really fathom. That's fine. I just want to be an active participant & for God to give me full assurance of the endeavors I'm putting my energies into. I hate the idea of wasting my life on things that were personal ambitions, but I have to let go of my ideas & trust in the desires God puts in my heart, to pursue with abandon, trusting Him (& not myself) for the outcome. Motherhood is certainly good practice in being a servant, & I know that I can absolutely get some more practice in doing that graciously ;)

Speaking of the kids, have I mentioned that I love their ages these days? So fun! Great conversations with Asher - he's been asking what things mean, things like phrases from songs or words like "righteousness." It's such a good reminder for me to be teaching him continually, and not to wait until I think he's ready, but to reveal truth as things come up every day in life. Cole is funny. Hmm. Just funny. He pretends a lot, says things in silly voices just because & while he seems to still lack skills like blowing his nose, we're amazed at the things he picks up just from listening to Mark & I talk.

I feel so blessed to live in America & that my husband has a great job that allows me to stay home with my children, feed everyone in my house well, pay our bills & even help supply for the needs of others less fortunate. The charmed life is one I definitely live & was reminded of today. While in the drive-thru at Wendy's we saw an american flag. Asher says "Look mom, a flag!" I replied "Yeah, that's the American flag." Then he says "That's where I live!" Yep kiddo, and we are lucky. No, everything isn't perfect here, but it's a heck of a lot better than 99% of the world. I hope to always remain grateful, even when feeling a little unsure about my endeavors. At least I'm living a free life in a free place where I have so many options that I go crazy. Better crazy & free than sane & a prisoner. Thank you God for Your abundant graciousness & provision in my charmed little life! Most of all, I just don't want to waste it.