I feel like I probably use this title a lot. But, it's a good way to prep you for my random, not so put together post about life in general.
We signed the lease on our new place. Again, we move June 15th. Crazy! Less than 4 weeks! It will be so nice to have Mark closer to work. Lately, we've really seen the affects of his being gone so much. He's running on less than empty. Driving, carpooling, working, driving home again & then dinner, maybe an hour or two with the family, then wind down, go to bed, start over! Not exactly thrilling. But then again, we have it pretty easy here in America. I always wonder how people in 3rd world countries survive. To me, it explains their incredible joy in Christ - their life is so overrun with trauma, difficulties & daily struggles to survive that eternity is so much more of a joyous prize.
I've been especially convicted on this lately. Life is hard with kids & an overworked husband, but it's not that hard. I mean, I've barely thought about how to pay for food or bills (although, we've got debt we're paying down, so there is a lot of thought about that), we've gotten to enjoy several fun dates & events with friends... I start to wonder if an easy life leads to some of the emotional struggles I've been facing. Feeling unaccomplished but not having a very clear idea of what I wish to be accomplished in. Feeling not as happy as I'd like but not being able to pinpoint why. Wishing for better things in life but feeling like I have no clue as to what those things would be.
Today was a bit of a breakthrough. Nothing real significant, but I have purpose today - things to get done. I wonder how much of that strange, inexplicable hopelessness comes from not having things to do. In America, as a stay at home mom, a lot of my work is simple & quick. It doesn't take that long to sweep, or too long to clean a well-steamed bathroom or even that long to fold 3-4 loads of laundry. Granted, I could stand to clean more often than I do, but things are clean enough most of the week and my husband never runs out of clean underwear :) Anyway, I've just been thinking about what my true desires are & have been a bit disappointed. I know where they should be and recognize that they aren't there. And in case you're wondering, they should be focused on being light to a dark world, to my children, family, friends, etc. But, instead, I'm all focused on how to make my life "complete" so to speak. Learning to trust in being complete by putting myself below others in order to glorify God is a really tough pill to swallow. And it doesn't come with a lot of visible rewards (at least not often).
So, yeah, that's where I'm at. It's tough for me to not get overly down on myself - seeing the bad parts of me makes me want to give up. So I'm learning (or at least trying to learn) to see the bad & ask for help instead of just running or hiding. Ugh, such a weakness of mine.
On a more cheerful note, our family has gotten to do a few fun things lately! We went to the coast & visited the Aquarium - I seemed to remember it being way cooler than it was... Mark & I much prefer the zoo. Ah well, the boys had fun & now we know. We also went to see a lighthouse which was great & the views from all the cliffs were incredible.
Mark & I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert with Dave & Rayma a week or so ago - that was also really fun! We had an amazing dinner at Pastini, great conversation & thoroughly enjoyed the music. The band had an 8 piece orchestra (all strings) playing with them, which was seriously beautiful. So, there are 2 things off my 30 before 30 list!
We've really been enjoying the sun the last few weeks, but I've actually really enjoyed the rain the last 2 days as well. I'm such an Oregonian! It really is a lovely thing when you don't have to go out in it :) Here's a pic of Asher enjoying Grandma's little pool on one of the hot days. And following it is Cole on another warm day, digging in the sandbox.
My boys are growing up right before my eyes! Cole is speaking in more complete sentences & Asher is becoming more observant & thoughtful every day. He observes things that Mark & I sometimes miss! Cole is learning responsibilities like clearing his dishes, putting his drink in the fridge, putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, hanging his sweatshirt up after coming inside - simple stuff. He can almost count to 20 by himself - he skips 13 & 15, then often goes back to 16 after 18... it's a work in progress. Cole is starting to recognize that words "say something" rather than just being pictures. He can sing his ABC's (it's adorable, I should really record it) but he doesn't really know a ton of letters yet. Odly, he really knows U & R with a handful of others. It's crazy to see him learn things Asher has learned... we're really coming out of the toddler stage with him. Oh, and he's either left-handed or ambidextrous. He eats with his left but can eat equally well with his right. He can throw & color with his left at about the same ease as his right & as you've witnessed, he "plays" guitar left-handed as well. Mark's sister Mary is left-handed and she is the red-head in the family too... yet more Armstrong features Cole has. He appears to have my athleticism at least... well, at least a little more than average.
Asher is able to read a lot of words. We've been trying to go through "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" but he's a little beyond some of it already. Some of it is not very challenging, but I want to make sure we don't skip & miss some of the important letter combination sounds. He does it mostly willingly if we lay on the floor or sit on the couch. I try not to push him even though he's very capable b/c while he can read a lot, I want him to see the purpose in it... which he doesn't really want right now. What 4 yr old thinks they really need to know how to read by themselves anyway! He is absolutely LOVING watching the Chronicles of Naria! We have "The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe" and "Price Caspian" & he is all about them - fighting, using swords, pretending to be Peter or Caspian. There's a scene in each where either Peter or Caspian plunge their sword into the ice/grass - yesterday Asher says "But when Peter does it, his mouth doesn't say anything." Yep, he got it right. Peter just does it without yelling, while Caspian shouts in angst while he does it. Again, so observant.
Well, I'll keep you posted on packing & stuff as it gets going. Right now, I'm just organizing & sorting, purging & giving (and hoping to sell a few things). Just over 3 weeks... I'm nervous & anxious to get out there. Daily life will be different & we've been here for a while now - both in McMinnville & in this house. I'm trying to just plug away bit by bit, but I know the actual packing part will come sooner than expected! It'll be good though. I have no clue why God is moving us or any idea what things will come next in life for us, but I'm attempting to get excited about it... hoping God will change that in my heart as well. Thanks for following, praying & encouraging!
We signed the lease on our new place. Again, we move June 15th. Crazy! Less than 4 weeks! It will be so nice to have Mark closer to work. Lately, we've really seen the affects of his being gone so much. He's running on less than empty. Driving, carpooling, working, driving home again & then dinner, maybe an hour or two with the family, then wind down, go to bed, start over! Not exactly thrilling. But then again, we have it pretty easy here in America. I always wonder how people in 3rd world countries survive. To me, it explains their incredible joy in Christ - their life is so overrun with trauma, difficulties & daily struggles to survive that eternity is so much more of a joyous prize.
I've been especially convicted on this lately. Life is hard with kids & an overworked husband, but it's not that hard. I mean, I've barely thought about how to pay for food or bills (although, we've got debt we're paying down, so there is a lot of thought about that), we've gotten to enjoy several fun dates & events with friends... I start to wonder if an easy life leads to some of the emotional struggles I've been facing. Feeling unaccomplished but not having a very clear idea of what I wish to be accomplished in. Feeling not as happy as I'd like but not being able to pinpoint why. Wishing for better things in life but feeling like I have no clue as to what those things would be.
Today was a bit of a breakthrough. Nothing real significant, but I have purpose today - things to get done. I wonder how much of that strange, inexplicable hopelessness comes from not having things to do. In America, as a stay at home mom, a lot of my work is simple & quick. It doesn't take that long to sweep, or too long to clean a well-steamed bathroom or even that long to fold 3-4 loads of laundry. Granted, I could stand to clean more often than I do, but things are clean enough most of the week and my husband never runs out of clean underwear :) Anyway, I've just been thinking about what my true desires are & have been a bit disappointed. I know where they should be and recognize that they aren't there. And in case you're wondering, they should be focused on being light to a dark world, to my children, family, friends, etc. But, instead, I'm all focused on how to make my life "complete" so to speak. Learning to trust in being complete by putting myself below others in order to glorify God is a really tough pill to swallow. And it doesn't come with a lot of visible rewards (at least not often).
So, yeah, that's where I'm at. It's tough for me to not get overly down on myself - seeing the bad parts of me makes me want to give up. So I'm learning (or at least trying to learn) to see the bad & ask for help instead of just running or hiding. Ugh, such a weakness of mine.
On a more cheerful note, our family has gotten to do a few fun things lately! We went to the coast & visited the Aquarium - I seemed to remember it being way cooler than it was... Mark & I much prefer the zoo. Ah well, the boys had fun & now we know. We also went to see a lighthouse which was great & the views from all the cliffs were incredible.
Mark & I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert with Dave & Rayma a week or so ago - that was also really fun! We had an amazing dinner at Pastini, great conversation & thoroughly enjoyed the music. The band had an 8 piece orchestra (all strings) playing with them, which was seriously beautiful. So, there are 2 things off my 30 before 30 list!
We've really been enjoying the sun the last few weeks, but I've actually really enjoyed the rain the last 2 days as well. I'm such an Oregonian! It really is a lovely thing when you don't have to go out in it :) Here's a pic of Asher enjoying Grandma's little pool on one of the hot days. And following it is Cole on another warm day, digging in the sandbox.
My boys are growing up right before my eyes! Cole is speaking in more complete sentences & Asher is becoming more observant & thoughtful every day. He observes things that Mark & I sometimes miss! Cole is learning responsibilities like clearing his dishes, putting his drink in the fridge, putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, hanging his sweatshirt up after coming inside - simple stuff. He can almost count to 20 by himself - he skips 13 & 15, then often goes back to 16 after 18... it's a work in progress. Cole is starting to recognize that words "say something" rather than just being pictures. He can sing his ABC's (it's adorable, I should really record it) but he doesn't really know a ton of letters yet. Odly, he really knows U & R with a handful of others. It's crazy to see him learn things Asher has learned... we're really coming out of the toddler stage with him. Oh, and he's either left-handed or ambidextrous. He eats with his left but can eat equally well with his right. He can throw & color with his left at about the same ease as his right & as you've witnessed, he "plays" guitar left-handed as well. Mark's sister Mary is left-handed and she is the red-head in the family too... yet more Armstrong features Cole has. He appears to have my athleticism at least... well, at least a little more than average.
Asher is able to read a lot of words. We've been trying to go through "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" but he's a little beyond some of it already. Some of it is not very challenging, but I want to make sure we don't skip & miss some of the important letter combination sounds. He does it mostly willingly if we lay on the floor or sit on the couch. I try not to push him even though he's very capable b/c while he can read a lot, I want him to see the purpose in it... which he doesn't really want right now. What 4 yr old thinks they really need to know how to read by themselves anyway! He is absolutely LOVING watching the Chronicles of Naria! We have "The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe" and "Price Caspian" & he is all about them - fighting, using swords, pretending to be Peter or Caspian. There's a scene in each where either Peter or Caspian plunge their sword into the ice/grass - yesterday Asher says "But when Peter does it, his mouth doesn't say anything." Yep, he got it right. Peter just does it without yelling, while Caspian shouts in angst while he does it. Again, so observant.
Well, I'll keep you posted on packing & stuff as it gets going. Right now, I'm just organizing & sorting, purging & giving (and hoping to sell a few things). Just over 3 weeks... I'm nervous & anxious to get out there. Daily life will be different & we've been here for a while now - both in McMinnville & in this house. I'm trying to just plug away bit by bit, but I know the actual packing part will come sooner than expected! It'll be good though. I have no clue why God is moving us or any idea what things will come next in life for us, but I'm attempting to get excited about it... hoping God will change that in my heart as well. Thanks for following, praying & encouraging!
May 22, 2012 at 5:57 PM
I love reading about your inner yearning for something more than this life - I think that's a little bit of your soul understanding that this earthly life is just the beginning! We get restless sometimes for purpose and I can totally relate to that. God is working in you, don't you doubt it, little sister. :)