Funny how a few years can change things.
The past couple weeks I've had an awakening of sorts to a certain stereotype. I've heard so many women talk about the stigma associated with being a stay at home mom. I have always thought "Eh, not a big deal, it's nothing to be embarrassed about." Which I should say, I still believe is true! But, I'm not feeling it's truth like I used to.
As I am getting older I am seeing how many women are pursuing careers, getting an education or gaining experience in some type of field so that when their children are older they have something ready to pursue in case they need to (or if they just want to). No harm in that. Really, if that's what God is calling you to, by all means DO IT! But, I am now seeing that it really takes a leap of faith for me to trust fully in God & trust fully in the salary my husband has to NOT pursue any of that.
Really, I'm not trying to cause any shame to be had by any person who is pursuing a career while they have a family. I'm simply noting the change in my thinking about my particular situation. I am also noting the assumed perceptions of others. I see that when I go out with my two boys, I notice more and more career women & I also see various "looks" given to me for having time during the day (due to not having a job) to run errands with my children. This is part of my "judging" problem but I feel like I've been getting these "looks" lately: "Oh, you JUST stay home with your kids" or "Oh, you don't have a REAL job" or "You have all this free time because you don't really do anything besides being at home." Maybe it's just me, but I have been feeling that pressure to have a back up plan more and more. Not because I actually need to, but because of how it feels socially to not have any other plan besides raising children, serving my spouse and helping out whoever else comes along that needs help.
Right now, my husband has the best paying job he's ever had. Right now, I am super busy with two boys and don't really have time to work without taking time away from them. Right now, we are at a very pivotal point of either adding to our family or going down this road with just our two kids. It's so strange to be in this position and taking note of how the outside world perceives it. Right now, it is taking an immense amount of assurance from the Lord to be content and say "Whatever happens, God can handle it." I know this is true in every circumstance. But it's another thing to pursue a road of complete dependance on your spouse & his career while the rest of the world thinks it wise to create an extra path for yourself, should the worst happen.
Don't get me wrong, we have life insurance and I don't completely lack regular job-skills ;) But, I don't want to spend my time preparing for something that might never be needed. If I spend money & energy & time trying to get somewhere I might never need to be, well, that feels like a waste. But trusting in God's provision & pursuing what He's put in front of me is never a waste of a good mind (or a good body). It's so strange that our culture so little values the investment of a mother into her children. Or for that matter, so little values a person sacrificing themselves for another needy person.
I want to be content never having had a career or accolades or a bachelor's degree or any other thing as long as the people I love can say "She pursued loving others more than anything else." Often, a woman needs a college degree, or job experience or a plan to provide for her family. But right now, I don't have that need (notice I'm saying "I," not "you") & I desire to be content with the plan God has for me today - to serve my family and reach out to those in need around me. And I will do my best to not let the "looks" get to me ;) I really want to be so assured of God's work in my situation in life that the "looks" from others often change when they see my joy. Really, this is a great goal that can be attained by anyone in any stage of life - to be content with the purpose for today, enough to radiate joy despite circumstance.
Well, those are my "deep" thoughts for today. Just the realization that I am aging, that new skills, a new career or more education will be more of a challenge after this part of my life (or they might just take longer). But also the feeling & knowledge that it will be a worthwhile trade-off for what I have going on in my life today - loving and serving people :)
Again, this post isn't intended to be a lecture how every mom should stay at home with her kids, because that just isn't the truth. This is just a little bit on how I've noticed myself feeling the pressure to have something job-wise outside of the home. I hope you can feel my heart and my emotions in this, that overall, I just want to be content and assured in the plans God has for me today.
The past couple weeks I've had an awakening of sorts to a certain stereotype. I've heard so many women talk about the stigma associated with being a stay at home mom. I have always thought "Eh, not a big deal, it's nothing to be embarrassed about." Which I should say, I still believe is true! But, I'm not feeling it's truth like I used to.
As I am getting older I am seeing how many women are pursuing careers, getting an education or gaining experience in some type of field so that when their children are older they have something ready to pursue in case they need to (or if they just want to). No harm in that. Really, if that's what God is calling you to, by all means DO IT! But, I am now seeing that it really takes a leap of faith for me to trust fully in God & trust fully in the salary my husband has to NOT pursue any of that.
Really, I'm not trying to cause any shame to be had by any person who is pursuing a career while they have a family. I'm simply noting the change in my thinking about my particular situation. I am also noting the assumed perceptions of others. I see that when I go out with my two boys, I notice more and more career women & I also see various "looks" given to me for having time during the day (due to not having a job) to run errands with my children. This is part of my "judging" problem but I feel like I've been getting these "looks" lately: "Oh, you JUST stay home with your kids" or "Oh, you don't have a REAL job" or "You have all this free time because you don't really do anything besides being at home." Maybe it's just me, but I have been feeling that pressure to have a back up plan more and more. Not because I actually need to, but because of how it feels socially to not have any other plan besides raising children, serving my spouse and helping out whoever else comes along that needs help.
Right now, my husband has the best paying job he's ever had. Right now, I am super busy with two boys and don't really have time to work without taking time away from them. Right now, we are at a very pivotal point of either adding to our family or going down this road with just our two kids. It's so strange to be in this position and taking note of how the outside world perceives it. Right now, it is taking an immense amount of assurance from the Lord to be content and say "Whatever happens, God can handle it." I know this is true in every circumstance. But it's another thing to pursue a road of complete dependance on your spouse & his career while the rest of the world thinks it wise to create an extra path for yourself, should the worst happen.
Don't get me wrong, we have life insurance and I don't completely lack regular job-skills ;) But, I don't want to spend my time preparing for something that might never be needed. If I spend money & energy & time trying to get somewhere I might never need to be, well, that feels like a waste. But trusting in God's provision & pursuing what He's put in front of me is never a waste of a good mind (or a good body). It's so strange that our culture so little values the investment of a mother into her children. Or for that matter, so little values a person sacrificing themselves for another needy person.
I want to be content never having had a career or accolades or a bachelor's degree or any other thing as long as the people I love can say "She pursued loving others more than anything else." Often, a woman needs a college degree, or job experience or a plan to provide for her family. But right now, I don't have that need (notice I'm saying "I," not "you") & I desire to be content with the plan God has for me today - to serve my family and reach out to those in need around me. And I will do my best to not let the "looks" get to me ;) I really want to be so assured of God's work in my situation in life that the "looks" from others often change when they see my joy. Really, this is a great goal that can be attained by anyone in any stage of life - to be content with the purpose for today, enough to radiate joy despite circumstance.
Well, those are my "deep" thoughts for today. Just the realization that I am aging, that new skills, a new career or more education will be more of a challenge after this part of my life (or they might just take longer). But also the feeling & knowledge that it will be a worthwhile trade-off for what I have going on in my life today - loving and serving people :)
Again, this post isn't intended to be a lecture how every mom should stay at home with her kids, because that just isn't the truth. This is just a little bit on how I've noticed myself feeling the pressure to have something job-wise outside of the home. I hope you can feel my heart and my emotions in this, that overall, I just want to be content and assured in the plans God has for me today.
January 9, 2012 at 7:21 PM
I hope that your desire to be content with these things, and not feel pressure otherwise, is already coming to fruition for you (and 'just sent a little prayer about it too). With where you guys are now, and all the reasons you explained, I definitely don't see any reason or need for you to look for other 'back up plans,' etc.! And I gotta say, on paper, I think "raising children, serving my spouse and helping out whoever else comes along that needs help" sounds like a really wonderful, blessed way to do life! I'm sorry to hear that you're hearing different opinions, and feeling those pressures, and especially getting any snooty looks! I'm probably naïve in this area, but I always thought it was supposed to be kindof a sought-after blessing (and even possible status-symbol) for women to be able to be with their kids, and raising them at home instead of needing to add a 2nd job to the family. I hope since you wrote this, you've already been able to experience some encouragement from the Lord, your loved ones, and even some of those outside influences that we let effect us. But keep doin' your thing, and showing that Joy; sounds like you've got it right to me :)