The Armstrong 5

I title this forever for several reasons.

- I've been meaning to write on here for forever (it feels like).
- I've been thinking about forever/eternity a lot lately.
- Some of my days at home feel like they last forever.

Life as a homeschooling mom of 3 is hard. I get it, life isn't supposed to be easy. Things that are worthwhile are hard. But still, some days I am just tired of things being hard. It's hard to keep my 5 yr old focused for more than 3 math facts. It's hard to convince my almost 7 year old that practicing spelling will benefit him. It's hard to keep my 19mo old happy while schooling for 2-4hrs of the day. It's hard to plan & fix lunch & dinner. It's hard to have my kids home all day while keeping the house moderately clean. It's hard to be interrupted every 5 minutes of the day.

None of this even touches the surface of choosing curriculum, making a schedule, sticking to it, planning activities, getting together with other families & friends. Eh, I can feel this post becoming very pessimistic but I'm trying not to go there. Yes, my life is busy, interrupted, heavy with responsibilities & very tiring. Do I have reason to rejoice? Absolutely. Do I have energy to rejoice? Debatable ;) Just not in the way I think most people expect to see it. I have lots of days where I am convicted, deep down, that I am on the right path. I am so glad to stay home with the kids & disciple them in life, Christianity, education, social etiquette, etc. I know that they are doing better here than they could be anywhere else. It's when I look too closely at others that I begin to get crazy.

I'm quite introverted, or at least I really hate noisy atmospheres where I am constantly interrupted - but that is life with kids! And life homeschooling is like that even more so. So I am not super social, at least in the ways I feel like most people expect me to be, or want me to be. My mom & close friends can attest that I am a tired person. I always have been, and I probably always will be. I lose energy fast & need longer to recoup. So giving up my daughter's nap time, or staying out late, are not usually high on the priority list.

Anyway, all of this is to say that the complications in my life right now weigh on me. It feels like forever until I can do that things I desire. Or just do what needs to be done without fighting so hard against the wills & desires of my children. Letting things go & throwing out my to-do's aren't really an option with my kids' educations being my responsibilities, with people who need fed & clothed, with rooms that really need cleaned. But I am so terrible at handling all that pressure. Again, all this to say, I am trying to find ways to cope. My brain is constantly on, going, thinking, problem-solving, despairing, giving itself truth, trying to make that truth change how I live. It's a little crazy being in my head- just ask my husband.

On another topic, I have also been thinking about eternal life a lot lately. I despair for souls of people I don't know well, and I am unsure of what to do about that except pray. It weighs on me. I need to give that to God, but I also desire to be a part of them coming to Him & then I look at the weight I am already bearing & have no clue how I can do anything more. I've been reading a new book by Fancis & Lisa Chan called "You and Me Forever" and am so impressed. It's "about" marriage, but primarily how living like you really believe the gospel of Jesus changes you to a point that makes your marriage a light to a dark world. That is what changes you into a good spouse, an enduring hardship type of spouse, a patient & loving spouse. This book talks a bit about our eternal perspective, and I recognize that I am not near as focused on the outcome of my faith as I should be, as I want to be. I don't even know how to try, or how I will get there. It is something I have to totally let God take control of. It stresses me out to even think of finding the time to sit & think on all of it.

I hope that this blog post is not insanely depressing. I don't feel depressed by any means. Just tired. My ambition gets the best of me. I have WAY more ambition (much of it is very selfish) than I have  means & energy! So where do I go from here? Life is too busy & full of responsibility to really pause & "figure things out". I'm doing a lot of small things differently, praying & hoping that it all leads to me living the way I should, the way I envision. A lot of things are good & right in life at this point, but I hope for more fulfillment from it all, and desire to live all this out in a way that truly changes lives. I am wrestling with how to live a powerful life, having an impact on those around me. I live in a society that values economic impact & laughs at most other things. I'm seeing more & more that living for eternity & nothing else is a battle I'm not big enough to win. I keep forgetting that God has  already won. That needs to be enough to remind me to chill out. And that's usually one of my main  goals each new year - to chill out. Funny, but if you know me, it's very true ;) Chill out, remember God has won. Lesson learned? If only it was that quick & easy!

Seriously, I feel like my insides are heavy. There have been so many things going on lately that my mind has not had the time to process all of it. From abused children, homeless teens who are evidence of a sad world, children killed, religion manipulated, changes in life, exhaustion, decisions…. So many things to think about.

I have been feeling a burning inside to share more of my thoughts… though not all on here. But maybe? Yet another thing to think & decide upon… does it seem like I am excited about that?? I am SO bad at decisions. Well today, I am going to share about our most recent decision!

When we were looking into school options for Asher last year, we had found a school in PDX that is a public charter, French immersion school. Considering that my husband is fluent & that I am striving to be, this was SO exciting to me. We applied (past the deadline) but never got in. We decided to apply again this year, despite my passion to homeschool using a classical method. Cole was 70th on the wait list, and Asher was somewhere around 45th. We knew that if the boys got in, it would be the Lord's doing.

About a month ago, we got an email from the school saying they had a lot of movement in their Kindergarten class & wanted to know if we would like to stay on the wait list. We decided yes, last minute, just because Hey! Who knows? Well, 2 weeks later, what do you know, they had a spot for Cole! After talking with friends, each other, praying & trying to decipher what was best, we decided to enroll him. Then, we found out there was a fee for the all day Kindergarten (which is the only option & was more than other private schools we had looked at) and started the deliberation process all over again. All day Kindergarten when our little man had only just turned 5 was not something we thought we'd ever do. But, we decided it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. We'd continue to homeschool Asher & hope that a spot would open for him as well.

Lo & behold, the next day, they had room for Asher! I had prayed for that very thing the day before, and we were excited to be able to send them together.

The first couple days were fine. The school was not fabulous with communication. Then, we had sickness with 1 kid, then 2, then none, then 1 again, 2 again, and finally, 3 days in a row of school! So, after 2 weeks, here's what we saw….

1 - Asher was struggling big time. Attitude, tears, emotions. Every day - morning, noon & night, literally. This week, we discovered there were occasional tears in class as well.
2 - Driving for 30min in traffic to transport your children 3 miles is infuriating!
3 - Paying for parking to pick up & drop off your children is annoying.
4 - Full language immersion is tough, but also kinda fun… especially if you have people at home who can help practice (we have 3 fluent adults!)
5 - It really stinks when they are sick, b/c you have NO clue what they missed, what they should have been taught, and no way to make that aspect of the classroom experience up.
6 - I really love teaching my kids. And 6.5hrs a day is TOO long for me to not see them.
7 - I am still just as crabby having not seen them all day - I'm just more stressed in the morning, and slightly more rushed in the afternoons.
8 - I hate making lunches every day.
9 - I believe the Classical Method is likely the most effective way to teach children.


I tried to find 10 things to list… but my brain is gone & so 9 is all you are going to get.

Overall, the school experience was not terrible. I had thought about this before & was convicted of it again: when I spend time with just the 2 boys, it is a no-brainer, I would prefer to homeschool over any other option. Jovi is the 1 element that makes it undesirable… she is demanding, unpredictable, often unruly & makes most tasks around the home far more difficult to accomplish. But, I cannot bypass my desires & convictions based on the fact that my 1.5yr old is challenging.

The biggest determining factors in deciding to take them back out of school were these: Asher's constant and drastic distress, and not knowing what exactly the kids were learning each day… leading into not being sure if teachers are teaching in a way that I desire for my kids to learn. Add to that the fact that God is not talked about with them from 8:30am-3:30pm, and we just could not do it. Both boys were asking to stay home each day (Asher was begging with tears) and I truly wanted to grant them that.

When I began Asher's first math lesson back home, he had trouble with a certain "math fact" that he used to know & have memorized. He was struggling with trying to count on his fingers when the answer was higher than 10. I asked him why he was frustrated & reminded him that he knew the answer… "It's a doubles-plus-1 fact bud, you know how to solve that." And voila! Back to the calm, capable & confident kid he was before his experience in school.

I know Immersion is rough & can take time, but we did not feel it was a necessary step for us to push him SO far past his comfort zone & risk killing something inside of him to pursue it. He is sensitive & going through some definite boundary testing… we want to be there to help him through things, not just observe his life & have a few hours a day to try & get whatever else he needs put into him. Cole was doing pretty well, he's so easy-going & enjoys being with people, whether he knows them or not. But we wanted to have both boys on the same page. And we are truly glad for the experience. It has solidified some things in my mind, given me perspective on the challenges of having your children in school & helped me to align my priorities.

So yeah, that's been the last 3 weeks of our lives! Eesh. I hate making big decisions & then feeling like I have to justify them. And it's really hard to choose between 2 things that both have amazing benefits! All of this is to keep you in the loop, and ultimately, I am accountable to God for my choices… I hope to please Him & honor Him in all these things - public, private or home schooled! We are back at CC (Classical Conversations) & catching up where we left off with homeschooling, and we are glad about it. There are definitely challenges & sacrifices, but it is a sharpening process & I need that desperately.

There you have it for now! Hopefully I can keep up on this blog a bit better… oh the wishful thinking!!! I'm not ready to commit to it yet, but feel like I'm getting closer ;) Here are some recent pics of the kiddos for your viewing pleasure…

So, we bought a house! Finally!!

We close May 9th & will move in after that (duh). We are pretty excited. We've been looking for what feels like forever. Mark's parents will be living in their own apartment-style area downstairs, and we will have the top 2 floors. It's a beautiful home - newly remodeled, very up-to-date, but also a bit smaller than what we were hoping for. It's also a little ways further from the church than what we dreamed, but it's still WAY closer than we are now, and we are sure that God will have families in our neighborhood for us to reach out to. I will make sure to post pictures… eventually :P

Lately, my days have consisted of cleaning, packing, consoling a crying baby, feeding hungry children, repeat. Yeah, such a glamorous life! I'm trying to find the fun & blessing in it, but it can be downright disheartening. It's a good thing I have an incredible husband & amazing best friend, who constantly encourage me to look to Jesus & trust Him for this stage of life & for purpose. Honestly, I know in my head that being an example for my children of a woman who joyfully trusts Jesus whole-heartedly is the most important thing. But it feels SO hard most days. So boring. And then I feel guilty because I know that living for Jesus shouldn't feel "boring," but that I am the one making it boring because I don't understand the awesomeness of God the way I should. My prayer is that I would understand Him in a way that really changes me, a way that shows my children He is real, loving, just & true.

I've been reading in Acts lately & it's tremendously eye-opening. It's incredible to see the first followers of Jesus & what their life was like. It's weird to think of what it means for me, and convicting because I feel on a completely different page than they were. Yes, there are many cultural differences, and yes, the church was in a totally different stage of growth, but I know that I am still not where I should be. If God's kingdom was/is so important, what in the world am I spending my time worrying for? Seriously. What am I even doing? But then the baby cries, my exhaustion rears its head & I don't even have time to make coffee without a small person interrupting me for something. Then I read in Acts again the next day & remember that I forgot that I was supposed to be thinking about all of this again!

I know, this stage of life is hard. I've not had more than 4hrs of solid sleep in ages. At least I had a few nights on our vacation! But seriously, I don't want to let the chaos & demands of this "baby stage" deplete my understanding of the role I have in God's kingdom. I want to be so convinced in what I am doing, that sleep deprivation, nightly (and often daily) torture, chores that never end, and anything else that life throws my way, won't deter me from telling people about Jesus. But how… when… and how again??

These are the things I am working through. I'd love to hear from you, links on great books or articles, words of encouragement, ideas on sharing the gospel with my (from my perspective) limited sphere of influence… Not that I have all this spare time to read it,  but I will try!

Thanks again for tuning into my brain & fingertips for a bit. I do look forward to days when I have a bit more spare time, but I also am enjoying the stage of carefree idea-sharing & giggles that my kids are in. Even through the exhaustion, there are too many funny things that happen and are said each day to share. Hopefully I will be writing again soon after the move - say a prayer for us!

Yeah, I know. If I ever say "Hey, I'm going to be blogging on here more!" you will never believe me!! So sorry. Well, not really sorry in the way you expect. I would LOVE to blog to my heart's content, but my current lifestyle simply does not allow it the way I want. But, I do want to type a few things out & give a few updates, so here goes…

First, life with 3 kids is CRAZY! Um yes, I was wrong, 3 is definitely harder than 2! And many people say 3 is the hardest, but I don't think we will have a 4th to test that theory out ;) The combination of sleep deprivation, needing a C-section, terribly horrible at sticking with breast-feeding… it just doesn't make a ton of sense for us. I've always said I'd love to adopt, but we're a ways out for being ready for that discussion!

Jovi is a sweet girl. So cute, so chubby, and already showing SO much personality! Yeah, she's strong-willed. Or, at least for now. That little 8-month old can sure throw a tantrum! And, she's not the best sleeper. Most of the time, during the day, she goes down for naps wonderfully, almost never cries. But, she's had several streaks, lasting anywhere from 1 week, to 2 months, of waking every couple hours, moaning & crying endlessly, until someone goes & gives her a binky. I've tried waiting it out 20 min - no good. But, I am really thinking that it's only been b/c of sickness or teeth (which her first ones are SO close to coming in, finally). That has been our biggest challenge. I NEED sleep...  just to be somewhat functional. And when I have too little sleep, I start to really be crazy. Jovi barely sleeps longer than the minimum I need to function, so I've been trying to pray & think through how to organize my life so I can come out with sanity, patience, desire to live... all those nice things ;)

Anyway, she is a pretty good baby. Clingy lately, but overall, very sweet. She crawled before 7mos, pulled herself up before 8, and thinks she could walk if only we would let go of her :) She has cute fuzzy hair and the biggest eyes! Her eyes are more like mine, a grayer shade of blue, but she has a bright golden ring around the middle, making them almost look green. I am excited for the next year of her life… we're getting so close to being in a stage that I absolutely love! Walking, saying a few words, eating mostly on her own, getting some hair & giving hugs & kisses… so fun.

The boys are well. They are EXCELLENT big brothers! Asher can even pick Jovi up & bring her back to the room I'm in when she has wondered off. He entertains her, throws away diapers, brings me wipes… he's even cleaned her up after eating solids! Cole is wonderful too. While not as strong as Ash,  he still helps with running little errands & bringing her toys. She is SO lucky to have them… as am I!

Asher is homeschooling and doing so well. He's almost done with his 1st grade reading & spelling, over halfway with 1st grade math & still enjoying the Classical Conversations group we are in. While not all of the CC info is being practiced at home, we do a lot of the math memorization - the times tables. He knows all of them up to 10! And Cole knows most of them too, just from hanging around while we are schooling. I am enjoying homeschooling a lot. I feel so privileged to get to spend the time teaching him, but I am also challenged & have a lot to work on. Next year will be a little crazy, trying to school both boys, but I just do not feel peace about giving up so much time with them at this stage in their lives. The teaching & figuring out curriculum has been a pretty simple thing for me, I get more overwhelmed with things like figuring out when I'm going to shower, when I will ever get to work out, can I even fix coffee without being interrupted!?! But, this is a stage of life that is relatively short, so I'm doing my best to remember that the more effort I put into loving & teaching them, the better chance they have at living a wonderful life as well.

This brings me to my final updates… Mark & I! We have decided to move to Sellwood (part of East Portland) to be a part of a church revitalization our best friends are involved in. And when I say "involved", I mean that he is the pastor of that church. We'll be investing in the body of Sellwood Baptist, becoming members & sharing life with the people there. We are one of a few families that have decided to become missionaries to Sellwood, moving there intentionally to spread the gospel & build up the body. While we are excited about this, we are a little anxious as well, mostly for housing. It is SO expensive to live in Sellwood - think $200k more for a house of the same liking here in Tigard or Beaverton :P You can pray for that! Pray that God provides the right house, for the right price, as close to the church as He can do. This has been the most faith-stretching so far - resting easy, trusting that He can provide that for us & having the guts to ask with confidence.

Lastly, Mark is back at eBay (for those who didn't know) and doing well there. It was definitely more exciting working at Nike, but we are thankful for him to be home more & far less stressed. I am still making jewelry, but am a little hesitant to really be pushing to create a profitable business. I enjoy it for sure, but I'm trying to learn to put my family first & how to be content by investing in others… I find it hard to do both. Not that it cannot be done, but for me right now, I really feel like my heart needs to be straightened out a bit first.

Well, that's us for now. Of course, I am leaving SO many things out. I'd love to share many more details of life for us these days, but I really want a little snooze while Jovi is asleep & the boys are entertained :) I hope to reach out again soon… we'll see how that goes ;)
Enjoy a few pics of the last 8 months… I will post some more recent ones once I get my photos synced & on the computer...

It's wild that just one week ago, this little doll was all curled up inside of me. New life is truly amazing - and weird. The fact that new humans grow inside of females, coming from microscopic pieces of one woman & one man... that is just mind boggling.

Everything has gone pretty smoothly. A few small bumps such as a difficult few days nursing & some challenging days with my recovery, but overall, it has been a great delivery & recovery. It was hectic at the hospital the morning of my c-section (I was one of 4 women delivering that day) so my c-section was record pace (said the Dr's). Everything went perfect & baby was perfect!

Jovi was 8lbs, 2oz & 19" long. Her head is tiny at 13.5", compared to her brothers who were 14.5" & 15"! We had her first Dr's appt yesterday & she is already back to gaining weight from when she left the hospital. Her jaundice looked good enough that they didn't even test her bilirubin levels!

Nursing is going well - we had a few rough days, but we are both learning & getting used to it :)

Well, not much else to share except a bunch of cute photos! Here are just a few...

Yeah, can't say I've been the best blogger ever. A lot has happened in the last nine months... including this...


And guess what? It's a girl!!

The boys are pretty excited & I know they will be great big brothers! Asher already is, & Cole seems to be looking forward to it too :)

So, my actual due date is June 13th but I go in for my 3rd C-section (joy) on June 6th. Yep, that's in 3 days. My goal was to blog about this before having our little girl, so at least I'm meeting that goal! Her name is Jovi Lyne. We picked the name Jovi from the movie Elf, but also b/c it's sweet, unique & has nice meaning - jovial or delight. Lyne is my best friend Chelsi's middle name - sounds just like Lynn, just spelled slightly differently.

In other news, I started a jewelry business & named it after our little girl. It's called The Jovi Lyne Collection. You can go to my etsy shop here or check out my jewelry blog here. Other news with me... I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes & that has been a bummer. Well, it's been good for my weight gain & appearance, but it's been challenging to say the least. I haven't had candy in almost 9 weeks!! I'm so excited to eat a donut again! But, it's been really good too. Opening my eyes to how poorly I was actually eating before. By the way, having gestational diabetes has nothing to do with what you are eating - it's 100% hormonal, but it can usually be controlled by eating certain foods & staying active after eating foods that raise your blood sugar (basically, hormones are blocking my insulin from working AT ALL so I have to rely on activity to rid of glucose in my bloodstream). I'm going to try & stick with a lot of the habits though... really toning down how many carbs I consume & eating more vegetables. It has been good, but it was crazy at first trying to adjust.

Things have been crazy in life for all of us... getting ready for the new baby, raising these boys, getting Asher reading & ready for Kindergarten next year (which we are still not 100% settled on the where).

Mark joined in the craziness & was recruited for a Lead Developer position at Nike. It's been quite the adjustment! Whenever he starts a new job he is SO tired the first month or two. Add in that he's a contract employee until the end of summer & working almost 50 hrs a week & he has been a zombie on & off ;) But, he's come out of the cloud just in time to have the baby! Ha! I'm so proud of him & the skills he's learned to be able to have a career in a field that is growing at a massive rate & where the job market is flourishing. He's really worked his tail off & God continues to bless his efforts wherever he goes.

I'm not sure what else to update about. It's been a while - sorry.

Asher can ready pretty well & the things he remembers & observes always impress me. Cole's grammar has improved SO much the last few months - you can actually understand most of what he says!! He still speaks totally out of context, very randomly, which can make understanding him difficult, but he's doing great. Cole has such a funny little personality. Asher is so attentive & serious - he gets in a funk when things don't go his way. Cole is just easy going. He's pretty content with most situations (unless you force him to go potty before nap). They are so opposite, but for the most part, they really enjoy being together. It'll be so interesting to see what Jovi is like. And what she looks like!

So, that's really all I'm going to say for now. Stay tuned - I'm hoping to do a few more random updates, especially once we have some cute pics of our newest little one. I guess I'll need to change our blog title to have the number 5 instead of the number 4! I really miss writing here but with 2 kids & being pregnant, I often lack the brain power to put together my "deep thoughts" at the precise moments I am available to sit. Sometimes I wish I could blog straight from my car, as I'm driving... that's when my thoughts are most clear... especially while listening to music while the kids are being quiet ;) Hopefully I will still get at least a few moments like that once Jovi is here!

Anyway, here are a few random pics of the family over the last few months. Don't forsake my blog forever, please! Come back, I am SURE I won't let 9 months go by before blogging again... I cannot promise, but I will do my best to be back soon!

I'm so tired of getting sick! I've never been sick so frequently as I have been since we've moved. Stress, business, etc. - maybe that's all it is. Either way, I hope it stays away for a while! No ER trips though, so that is good :)

Yep, you guessed it, we've been busy! But, I'm trying to just keep telling myself that this is just how life is. Sadly, blogging is not super high on the priority list right now. When I think about it logically, I wish it was. I like to share about the boys, to write out all the fun stuff we do & all the memories we create. But to do this so often is more than I can commit to. Sorry :( But, I think as long as I can get on here once or twice a month, maybe it will still be worthwhile!

Lately... hmmm... I am honestly having a hard time remembering what we've been up to. For about a week the boys were sick with colds... so I had a lot of down time with reading, blowing noses & just daily home-life maintenance. Then I got sick for a few days right after. I did A LOT of reading - well, a lot for a mom I guess. I read the first book in The Hunger Games series, watched the movie, bought the next two books & read half of the 2nd book. They are engrossing, but also sickening. It's hard for me to read it. I am captivated & want to get through it, but my stomach churns with the depravity & desperation portrayed in these books. I cannot imagine living (much less surviving) in their world. Or, in many worlds on this earth I suppose. That's another topic for later (that would also take forever) - I am constantly trying to understand the intricate balances (rather, imbalances) in our world that cause hardship, poverty & all the other things that damage people. I have no answer for situations on earth, just the answer that it will come to an end & if you trust in Jesus as Savior, you are promised to have a beautiful, eternally wonderful life after this one is finished.

I also read a book for book-club. Here's a link to the book - definitely a worth-while read - The Dressmakers of Khair Khana. Wasn't as good as The Dovekeepers, but still a good read. Also, if you're in the area & want to join our book club, here is the link - http://cuckoosnestreaders.blogspot.com) So, I'm pretty sure I'll get to cross of the "Read 12 books" part of my 30 before 30 list. Many items on that list will not get done - like the 5k, eh. I'm not a long distance runner... I know, 3.24 miles is not that far, but if you really know me, you know it is far for me. But, I'm okay with that. I feel like I've been working to accomplish things I normally give up on & that's what my list was all about. Yes, I would have liked to get in all the training to really be able to run a 5k, but with Mark's old commute making it more than challenging to find the time to run, my old commitments, the move, guests, the sickness & my silly IT bands, it just got put on a very far back burner. Maybe next summer ;)

The kids, oh the kids... they are hilarious. Cole is really picking up speed in his language development. We can understand most of what he says! Yay!! He still mumbles a lot when he is excited, but he shows us that he is able to repeat us clearly, so that is great. I think he is just less observant than average & doesn't care too much for detail, so it comes across in his speech. He really is expressive though, always excited about something. He's such a happy kid. And brave. You should see him at Oaks Park. He rode on the roller-coaster alone with his friend Hayden... he looked terrified the whole time, but afterwards was acting like it was loads of fun. He also insisted on going down the huge, gunny-sack slide by himself. That was hilarious. He doesn't pay attention to the bumps so he gets flung back a bit on each bump, again having that terrified look on his face. So funny. Cole keeps me laughing all day long.

Asher is really growing up. He's attaching to me in such beautiful ways. I hope to foster that - so he can always be unashamed of his love & feelings for people. He's becoming much less shy, much more silly & still even more thoughtful. Also, as a by product, Mark & I have to save many conversations for once the kids are in bed. We don't want to hide stuff from the kids, but just certain things that married couples joke about that are not appropriate for unmarrieds ;) Asher will hear something we say, then days later ask us what we meant or just talk about it with us. I love that he is so observant... I hope it will not hinder him but help him gain skills throughout his life.

Anyway, Cole is up from nap & desiring my attention. Maybe next time I will post some pics!! I know you all love seeing my cute kids as much as I do ;) Thanks for taking time to catch up a bit...

Hello friends & followers :) Been a while huh? Life has been busy, but what is new?

Mark went to Germany for work again this month - for 11 days! I still cannot believe we made it :) It is so good to have him home. How did we survive? Canning all sorts of peach concoctions, trip to McMinnville, trip to Olympia, play-date at a park, small group, Menchie's & more. It was a good time of bonding for the kids & me, but I am glad it is over. Gives me a whole new perspective towards truly single-moms... moms out there with no father figure for their children, no extra help around the house & no break from caring for children.

Other than that, we've been busy with all the regular family type stuff. Getting to know folks at church, we took a family trip with some of his siblings & his parents to stay at his their place in Crooked River, lots of trips to parks & the playground nearby... I don't think we've ever been "out and about" quite as much as we have been lately. It's been fun!

We are slowly getting settled. I unpacked a couple more boxes while Mark was gone & hung up lots of photos on the walls. We will still need more seating to make it great for having people over, but we've made do so far. We've had lots of guests in & out since moving here as well. The Lacines, the Cantralls, the Watsons, the Crockers (twice, soon to be thrice) plus a hoard of people on 4th of July & a couple play-dates in there too... I feel a lot more comfortable with having people over for dinner for sure!

The boys have been having a blast this summer. Playing with new friends, going to a couple fairs, having adventures at new places & enjoying a lovely backyard. I think this will be a summer of fun that we will all remember for a while!

I've taken a super long break from photography - with Mark's old commute & now with being in a new place, it's not exactly been a huge priority, and I'm not sure it will ever be. But, I am going to be working again just a day a week or so & hopefully, I can get behind my old camera enough to fund getting a new one soon! Still, if you're desperate for portraits, I'm totally game for it ;)

Many things have been driving me to God lately. Lots of sorrow happening & need in general in the lives of people around me & just realizing the great needs of people worldwide - if I could pray all day, every day, I still don't feel like there would be enough time. I live a very privileged life these days, even among American women & I'm working through the responsibility that brings. I'm a terrible "do-er" and a great "thinker" but I am still striving for a place where I can be of use. Don't get me wrong, I totally know I am beneficial being a home-maker, but my heart's yearning is still growing. I'm unsure if this is just simply how it is to yearn for eternal life & restoration, or if this is the fire God is putting in my heart to get to work at other things while here on earth. I enjoy this feeling of yearning for His goodness to be spread, but it makes it hard to sit still & even harder to be active day after day, still feeling just as much, if not more, yearning as each day ends. This consumes much of my down-time, thinking & praying through these things. But, I cannot sit & only think, it requires doing, so I'm working on that.

Well, that's about it for now. I'll post a few pics of the last few months so you can be entertained by more than just my ongoing babble. Thanks for following :)

So yeah, I stink at blogging here :P Ah well. At least I can admit it!! But I'm hoping to blog a bit more regularly on my Small Mustard Seed blog at least - kind of like a bunch of little devotionals. I like the idea... it'll be a challenge for me & I need to at least attempt it!

One funny story about the boys & I need to take care of laundry (I have a million funny ones lately, so hopefully that will give me good reason to write again soon)!

The other morning, the boys came out of their room at about 6:30am. We have a "rule" that is mostly enforced (with little convincing thankfully) that they stay in until after 7am. So, as they walk into our room oh so quietly, Mark says "Guys, it's too early. You're gonna need to go back to bed." And without a peep, a tear, a change in posture or any other negative thing, they just turn around! They walk perfectly, sweetly & quietly into their room, turn the fan back on and close the door!!! Seriously, amazing! Mark & I were in shock!!! It was one of the sweetest moments. Then, at about 7am, I go in & they are both in bed, just chatting & laughing. I told Asher he did such a great job - then ask if he knows what he did... "I listened & obeyed" ... seriously, anyone else's heart melting?? It's good to know some things are sinking in :)

I'm proud that he is getting big enough to really think & make decisions on his own. Can't believe he's almost halfway through age 4!! They grow too fast :)

Well, I bit the bullet & took the boys to pick strawberries. I was just going to buy them, but decided last minute that it would still be worth picking (too expensive to just buy them outright)! I made lots of freezer jam - strawberry & raspberry. So I sort of crossed that off my 30 before 30 list. I'd like to get more berries for freezing, but I'll need to buy a freezer for the garage before I do that... which might be a while... I need to scour craigslist!

We're settling into the new house very well. I had my first real visitor from McMinnville today - Sarah Freeborn! She's one of my closest friends & definitely someone I'll miss seeing every Sunday & Tuesday (at least). We chat about anything & everything, & our children get along well enough for us to do it for a few hours with just some minor interruptions ;) It was a great time! I look forward to more visitors & hopefully I'll get the hang of being a good hostess. I'm not naturally gifted in that area but I am enjoying trying!

Lots of things are happening these next 2 weeks. Sarah's visit today, Rayma coming tomorrow, going to Yamhill to visit some of our Texas family (and all the local ones too) on Friday, then early next week the Lacines will be here! Plus, my little blond sister (see her blog here) will come down for the 3rd & 4th of July as well - it'll be a blast!! Then I can cross of throwing a holiday party off my 30 list too. And I added another book I read to be 30 list... I'm going to need to blog about that later... it would be WAY too long to tack onto here... it'll likely be too long by itself already!

Anyway, I'm still working on getting unpacked, putting art on the walls, finding homes for all the little odds & ends one keeps in a home... there's still a long way to go, but I'm happy with the speed I'm going at. I've been spending one day a week really hammering out a lot of work, then just another hour or two each day putting things in place. We still have a long list of "needs" for things... storage bins, freezer, couch, couch, bed... plus all the random things we haven't bought in years because we've been too strapped to do it... dressers, bed frames for all of us, etc. God has really blessed us though. I'm getting closer to being at peace with all our financial hardships - it has been a tough road, but I never want to be unwilling to take on the challenges in life... after all, they have a great capacity to bring me closer to Him!

Have a great weekend & a wonderful 4th (next week). It's unlikely you'll hear from me before then ;) Someday I'll take & post some pics... that's how I string you all along right?

Well, we did it! We moved! So glad it's over. All that packing & keeping necessary items out while cleaning & planning was definitely crazy. Much thanks to the few amazing people who helped us load up Paul's trailer & haul it to the new place late Friday night - I was close to dying from exhaustion & you all rescued me!

So, we're getting settled in nicely. We have internet as of today, we have all our essentials unpacked & many of the non-essentials, a fair amount of cardboard is strewn across the house along with lots of toys & random objects... so yeah, we're making good progress :) I have almost the entire kitchen all squared away & I broke it in with baking some amazing strawberry scones - the strawberries were from a local farm too! We're planning on BBQ'ing tonight to break that in as well.

I love the house so far. I love the location too. It's very quiet & incredibly serene. The backyard is beautiful, simple & should be easy to care for (though we might hire someone, depending on if we can get our hands on a mower soon). We feel very at home here, and surprisingly, our furniture actually works perfectly as well! We thought it might be awful & that we'd have to live with mismatched stuff for months until we could buy some more, but everything is fitting very well into place.

My brain is a little bit fried - so much planning & so many to-do's - I cannot write much else today for fear of getting way beyond what I can handle ;) We'll just say, in a few weeks when things have settled down, I'll have to really work on some of my weaknesses & I'm not sure how that will all play out. I want to, but I also don't want to. I'm just praying for a few people God will bring into my life to help me in these ways. And to be willing to let me husband help push me as well, without going all crazy on him!

Well, I best be getting to a few things - let me know if you want to visit... I'll bake something yummy & we can let the kids lose out back!

I feel like I probably use this title a lot. But, it's a good way to prep you for my random, not so put together post about life in general.

We signed the lease on our new place. Again, we move June 15th. Crazy! Less than 4 weeks! It will be so nice to have Mark closer to work. Lately, we've really seen the affects of his being gone so much. He's running on less than empty. Driving, carpooling, working, driving home again & then dinner, maybe an hour or two with the family, then wind down, go to bed, start over! Not exactly thrilling. But then again, we have it pretty easy here in America. I always wonder how people in 3rd world countries survive. To me, it explains their incredible joy in Christ - their life is so overrun with trauma, difficulties & daily struggles to survive that eternity is so much more of a joyous prize.

I've been especially convicted on this lately. Life is hard with kids & an overworked husband, but it's not that hard. I mean, I've barely thought about how to pay for food or bills (although, we've got debt we're paying down, so there is a lot of thought about that), we've gotten to enjoy several fun dates & events with friends... I start to wonder if an easy life leads to some of the emotional struggles I've been facing. Feeling unaccomplished but not having a very clear idea of what I wish to be accomplished in. Feeling not as happy as I'd like but not being able to pinpoint why. Wishing for better things in life but feeling like I have no clue as to what those things would be.

Today was a bit of a breakthrough. Nothing real significant, but I have purpose today - things to get done. I wonder how much of that strange, inexplicable hopelessness comes from not having things to do. In America, as a stay at home mom, a lot of my work is simple & quick. It doesn't take that long to sweep, or too long to clean a well-steamed bathroom or even that long to fold 3-4 loads of laundry. Granted, I could stand to clean more often than I do, but things are clean enough most of the week and my husband never runs out of clean underwear :) Anyway, I've just been thinking about what my true desires are & have been a bit disappointed. I know where they should be and recognize that they aren't there. And in case you're wondering, they should be focused on being light to a dark world, to my children, family, friends, etc. But, instead, I'm all focused on how to make my life "complete" so to speak. Learning to trust in being complete by putting myself below others in order to glorify God is a really tough pill to swallow. And it doesn't come with a lot of visible rewards (at least not often).

So, yeah, that's where I'm at. It's tough for me to not get overly down on myself - seeing the bad parts of me makes me want to give up. So I'm learning (or at least trying to learn) to see the bad & ask for help instead of just running or hiding. Ugh, such a weakness of mine.

On a more cheerful note, our family has gotten to do a few fun things lately! We went to the coast & visited the Aquarium - I seemed to remember it being way cooler than it was... Mark & I much prefer the zoo. Ah well, the boys had fun & now we know. We also went to see a lighthouse which was great & the views from all the cliffs were incredible.





Mark & I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert with Dave & Rayma a week or so ago - that was also really fun! We had an amazing dinner at Pastini, great conversation & thoroughly enjoyed the music. The band had an 8 piece orchestra (all strings) playing with them, which was seriously beautiful. So, there are 2 things off my 30 before 30 list!

We've really been enjoying the sun the last few weeks, but I've actually really enjoyed the rain the last 2 days as well. I'm such an Oregonian! It really is a lovely thing when you don't have to go out in it :) Here's a pic of Asher enjoying Grandma's little pool on one of the hot days. And following it is Cole on another warm day, digging in the sandbox.



My boys are growing up right before my eyes! Cole is speaking in more complete sentences & Asher is becoming more observant & thoughtful every day. He observes things that Mark & I sometimes miss! Cole is learning responsibilities like clearing his dishes, putting his drink in the fridge, putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, hanging his sweatshirt up after coming inside - simple stuff. He can almost count to 20 by himself - he skips 13 & 15, then often goes back to 16 after 18... it's a work in progress. Cole is starting to recognize that words "say something" rather than just being pictures. He can sing his ABC's (it's adorable, I should really record it) but he doesn't really know a ton of letters yet. Odly, he really knows U & R with a handful of others. It's crazy to see him learn things Asher has learned... we're really coming out of the toddler stage with him. Oh, and he's either left-handed or ambidextrous. He eats with his left but can eat equally well with his right. He can throw & color with his left at about the same ease as his right & as you've witnessed, he "plays" guitar left-handed as well. Mark's sister Mary is left-handed and she is the red-head in the family too... yet more Armstrong features Cole has. He appears to have my athleticism at least... well, at least a little more than average.

Asher is able to read a lot of words. We've been trying to go through "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" but he's a little beyond some of it already. Some of it is not very challenging, but I want to make sure we don't skip & miss some of the important letter combination sounds. He does it mostly willingly if we lay on the floor or sit on the couch. I try not to push him even though he's very capable b/c while he can read a lot, I want him to see the purpose in it... which he doesn't really want right now. What 4 yr old thinks they really need to know how to read by themselves anyway! He is absolutely LOVING watching the Chronicles of Naria! We have "The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe" and "Price Caspian" & he is all about them - fighting, using swords, pretending to be Peter or Caspian. There's a scene in each where either Peter or Caspian plunge their sword into the ice/grass - yesterday Asher says "But when Peter does it, his mouth doesn't say anything." Yep, he got it right. Peter just does it without yelling, while Caspian shouts in angst while he does it. Again, so observant.

Well, I'll keep you posted on packing & stuff as it gets going. Right now, I'm just organizing & sorting, purging & giving (and hoping to sell a few things). Just over 3 weeks... I'm nervous & anxious to get out there. Daily life will be different & we've been here for a while now - both in McMinnville & in this house. I'm trying to just plug away bit by bit, but I know the actual packing part will come sooner than expected! It'll be good though. I have no clue why God is moving us or any idea what things will come next in life for us, but I'm attempting to get excited about it... hoping God will change that in my heart as well. Thanks for following, praying & encouraging!