The Armstrong 5

I cannot believe that 2011 is already ending. I sort of had a resolution from last year - to not complain. I must admit, I did pretty well until just after my trip to Thailand. Not sure what happened there, but I want to keep that one up again this year. I think complaining is one of the worst things you can do to disprove how much you actually trust in Jesus - after all, if you really believe He knows best and has your best interest at heart, then you should be happy to endure whatever it is you're going through b/c you know He's got it, right? I think so & I want to live that way regularly!

There is another big thing I want to work on this year too. Grace!! I'm not a very gracious person by nature (anyone who knows me from HS or college has a good idea of this). I can be very judgmental and condemning. Instead, I want to live in a way that makes other people want to pursue a right relationship with God. Even with my kids, instead of showing them how sad & awful it is to not have a right relationship with God, I want them to see how great it is to have that relationship. Instead of being upset when I see a wrong-doing or injustice, I want to spend time praying for the situation and looking intelligently at what I can do about it. And if there's nothing I can tangibly do, to continue to pray and trust that God sees it.

Those are the big things: to not complain, to be more gracious. While complaining is pretty measurable, graciousness is a bit different. My hope is that I get to the end of 2012 and am able to take note of how my actions towards those I love are different and that (hopefully) others have noticed the change as well. I guess I will have to just aim high and trust that God will change me and trust that if I stay humble, He will help me take note in areas that need improvement or drastic change!

I also want to be more of a "doer." I know that many of my friends say "You are so busy" or "I know you have a lot going on" but I don't actually feel like I do that much!! I have a bunch of little things and your general life-commitment things like being a wife and mother, but I have so many desires and ambitions in my head that never come to fruition. It's frustrating. I know I could use my time better & I have LOTS of room to be more disciplined in areas like fitness, communication with family, spending time with important people (important to me, that is) and I am horrible at maintaining a clean, organized home. Ugh!! But, I have a few tangible goals in those areas (see my 30 before 30 list) so I'm hopeful that you, my friends and bloggers, can help keep me on track. With this, it will be necessary to toss aside frivolous hopes, dreams and potential outcomes and focus on the reality that only what I start doing is what will get done! True right? I cannot take time to daydream about being a great blogger if I never sit down and blog! I cannot daydream about being able to run 3 miles well without actually practicing running! I want to stop being the type of person who just talks about what they want to do and start being the type of person who gets a move on it.

So, here we are to my list of resolutions!!

#1 - No complaining! Sharing is okay mostly, but no bad attitudes about what is happening in life.
#2 - Be more gracious next year than I am today.
#3 - Be a doer!! Complicated, but possible. Take action to accomplish fitness goals. Take action to maintain important relationships. Take action to keep my home a pleasant place to be.

There. I think that's enough work for a whole year right?? If I have it all nailed down by February I'll let you know ;) I have so many thoughts about why these things are important to me, but I'll save that for another post in January (that whole taking action thing will be important to make sure it happens)! I hope that New Year's is a great time for you - that you find inspiration to live a life that glorifies God & trust that He will accomplish good purposes through you, no matter what kind of life you are coming from! Happy New Years!!

So, I finished my 30 before 30 list! Pretty exciting stuff :) I hope that it will encourage me to make better goals to be active in enjoying the life I have. I feel so blessed about 90% of the time, and the other 10% I feel guilty because I know I am blessed but don't feel it. Anyway, I want to enjoy life, make the most of it and really encourage others to make the most of theirs too. I didn't really put any spiritual goals on there tho. That's more my like my "New Year's" type of thing. Which I will hopefully blog about soon.

So, look at the top of this post for my page that says "30 before 30" and keep me accountable! I'll be crossing things off the list as I do them. It'll be crazy to look at these a year from now. Hopefully I'll look back with joy and be ready to make another list of goals! Thanks for all the friends and family who have been and will be a part of my life... it would really stink without all of you :) Thanks especially to my dear husband who is great at encouraging me despite often feeling like he doesn't know how to help and for keeping me accountable without totally crushing my spirit! He really is awesome and I'm so glad God put us together and fashioned us so uniquely for each other. If you have a list of goals, please share!! I'd love to see what you want to do this year!

Yes, I am so inconsistent! Sorry. Hopefully not many of you are dying to know what my life is like all the time... you could probably just check Facebook tho to get a general idea.

So, since I turn 29 this month, I am making a "30 before 30" list. Fun huh? Maybe, hopefully! I'm not very good at setting & accomplishing goals. This will be a good task for me. My hope is to stay on top of it... have goals for each season of the year so that way I can make progress all year. That's the purpose right? To make some goals that keep you thinking about what you want to accomplish in life. Now, most of these goals are not things that I really want to make sure I do before I die per-se. I just want to stay active & see to it that I enjoy the things God has given in life. This is weird to say, but if you know me well, you know I struggle with enjoying things. I'm in the middle of trying to unravel all of this, but it's an exhausting and complicated process. Hopefully, God will provide me pieces of clarity along the way.

One of the contributing issues is my strong desire to look good. I absolutely hate looking bad. Bad hair days, fat days, nothing to wear that makes me look stylish days - these are all small (and honestly, unimportant) things that cause me to have a terrible attitude. When I was in Thailand, about 7 days into the trip, I realized that I hadn't thought much about what I would be wearing. I was there to do something else - something important - so clothes didn't matter much to me for that week. Then I realized that at home, I CONSTANTLY worry about clothes. Maybe not always worry, but I think, plan, organize, long for more stylish stuff so often. Why? What is this desire to look good? Cultural, personal, sinful, distracting? I'm also unraveling this issue. I feel like if I was really, truly centered in God's love and earnest in pursuing the advancement of His kingdom, I wouldn't care so much about my clothes. Even when I know in my mind that it does not matter, even when I am at home all day & seeing no one, I still try so hard to look good & often am a terrible, anxious crank when I don't. I don't think I try to look good for anyone in particular, I just feel better when I do. So I cater to those feelings & struggle with how to handle them when I don't look at good as I want. Why do I want it so bad? Insecurity? Yes, probably a huge part of it!! And that's a huge inconsistency in my life - telling other's about God's love and goodness, but not believing it enough to give me security.

I've been dealing with that issue for a long time, but lately, it's come to my attention that if I want to serve God, to love Him and truly be active in experiencing His presence, I need to start dealing with it. Yes, our culture very much has an influence on this topic - how we look & feel about the way we look - but God is all about breaking cultural strongholds to give us freedom. I do want that, I just want to look nice while I have it. Ugh! So frustrating dealing with myself and my emotions and my trivial desires. And don't for a second think about telling me it's okay to want to look good - if you can find it in the bible, sure, tell me... but I'm pretty sure it's not in there. And yes, there are things the bible doesn't talk about that are good things, but the desire to be fashionable and beautiful is a distracting issue for me & causes my heart to wrestle and desire the world. That's really why I want to deal with it. I want to ensure that I am not a slave to the world (1 John 2:15).

Anyway, just thought I'd share my current "self" and tell all of you faithful followers that I'm alive and surviving :) Mark's job is a dream for him, and once we start getting paid I'm sure I'll be a bit more relieved & feel better about his time away from home. I'm super proud of him for landing such a fabulous job. Tons of people always tell him he's smart, but this is the first time his job has confirmed it too, and that's exciting! The commute is pretty awful, so at this point, we'll probably start looking at moving to Portland or the Tigard area towards February... we both feel like we just cannot justify 15-20hrs of driving all week. It's not the money or anything, just the time spent sitting around! If God puts it on our hearts to stay, by all means we will, but we've got to at least start moving in a direction and see if God blesses it.

Well, when I get my "30 before 30" list done, I'll blog again and put it up for everyone to see! That's scary - but, it'll be good because hopefully, it'll ensure I stay committed! Thanks for reading - pray for me if you think to!!