I'm learning a lot more about myself lately. Which is good and bad. Good because it ALWAYS leads to me realizing that I need God more than I think, and bad because, well, again, I realize I need God and see how lowly I really am.
One thing I'm seeing (and many of you probably already know this about me) is that I'm really bad at setting goals. I'm also really bad at following through on things I want to do. Yes, the two are DEFINITELY linked! I don't set goals b/c I am afraid of not meeting them. I'm afraid of telling anyone my goals b/c I don't want to be made fun of or questioned about my talents, desires, abilities, etc. And this is the big one, I'm really afraid of setting goals b/c I am afraid of the commitment it will take to achieve those, and I am always secretly wondering if I can really do it.
I also give up VERY easily. Ugh. See what I mean about learning about myself? I've only done 2 things for a semi-extended amount of time. Track and photography. And with track, when I wasn't in school, I went to practices on and off for a month the first year, and maybe 2 months the year after that. Not impressive. With photography, I did it for a while, but I never really sacrificed anything to be better at it or make myself "known" or excel in it. I did what most people would do and therefore, got where most people get... not anywhere too significant.
This has been weighing on me greatly. Mostly b/c I am training to compete in track and field next year. Probably just a few open meets. But I fear that I will chicken out during the summer, fall and winter, then come track season, I'll know that I'm not in great shape and therefore set no goals for myself, and will likely come up with some other excuse to just not do it. But then, I'll go to a few meets and mope about how good I was, how I threw it all away and just be down on myself. How do I break this cycle??
The truth is, I cannot break this cycle. This is human nature. God has to do something about it. But I also have to be brave and bold enough to ask God to help me. Which means not fearing man and only fearing myself stopping God through my own laziness and fears. Does this make sense? I like things to be easy - finding babysitting, taking time out of my day to train, making arrangements and planning in general... I get overwhelmed and frustrated at these things. But I'm learning that these things are just life! Life with a family, life with people and loved ones.
Overall, I need to relax and trust God for all the difficulties - whether physical or mentally conceived. I need to rely on God while just picking myself up and getting through it. I need help too. While I'm very scared of setting goals or putting my terrible long-distance runs on facebook, I need to be vulnerable and let other people push me towards using the gifts God has given me. Whether my gifting in track will be used for my own competition or just for coaching others using their gifts, it's about time I learn to let other people see my struggles and not to get down about it. God has redeemed me and if I truly believe this, it's enough to get me through anything! No matter how bad I jump or hurdle, no matter how hectic my days are, no matter how much pain or fatigue I am suffering from, God can totally handle it. And all these small physical struggles will be nothing compared to experiencing God's glory once I die.
All this to say, I hope you friends will help me out! You don't have to watch my kids (well, maybe once in a while) or cook me meals or go shopping for me. I just need you to encourage me to stay on the path I am choosing. I'm choosing it because I am so drawn to it and God has put the opportunity in front of me. I shouldn't expect life to be easy, but I'll never enjoy it to the extent God wants me to if I only do what's easy. My first goal is to run a 5k on June 18th. I want to run the whole thing (no stopping and walking) in under 12min/mile pace. Not ambitious on the time, but I'm a wuss and I ALWAYS stop and walk during my runs. Right now, I run about 5-7 minutes before I walk, then alternate every 3-5 min of walking and running... which is good training for someone out of shape and who stinks at endurance... but I need to step it up, push myself, and get to running longer stretches over the next few weeks.
As I come to mind, please pray for me! Pray that I just get up and put the work in, even when I don't feel like it or when it's inconvenient. Pray that mostly, God uses this time in my life to make Himself more known to me, to those around me and that it all glorifies Him. Sorry I hardly ever post, but hopefully you still love me just the same :) I'll keep you posted on how the training is going. Today's run was good, not amazing, but it was one of my longer runs without as much walking... making progress but more slowly than I want to be. Thanks for your support... I couldn't do anything without it!
One thing I'm seeing (and many of you probably already know this about me) is that I'm really bad at setting goals. I'm also really bad at following through on things I want to do. Yes, the two are DEFINITELY linked! I don't set goals b/c I am afraid of not meeting them. I'm afraid of telling anyone my goals b/c I don't want to be made fun of or questioned about my talents, desires, abilities, etc. And this is the big one, I'm really afraid of setting goals b/c I am afraid of the commitment it will take to achieve those, and I am always secretly wondering if I can really do it.
I also give up VERY easily. Ugh. See what I mean about learning about myself? I've only done 2 things for a semi-extended amount of time. Track and photography. And with track, when I wasn't in school, I went to practices on and off for a month the first year, and maybe 2 months the year after that. Not impressive. With photography, I did it for a while, but I never really sacrificed anything to be better at it or make myself "known" or excel in it. I did what most people would do and therefore, got where most people get... not anywhere too significant.
This has been weighing on me greatly. Mostly b/c I am training to compete in track and field next year. Probably just a few open meets. But I fear that I will chicken out during the summer, fall and winter, then come track season, I'll know that I'm not in great shape and therefore set no goals for myself, and will likely come up with some other excuse to just not do it. But then, I'll go to a few meets and mope about how good I was, how I threw it all away and just be down on myself. How do I break this cycle??
The truth is, I cannot break this cycle. This is human nature. God has to do something about it. But I also have to be brave and bold enough to ask God to help me. Which means not fearing man and only fearing myself stopping God through my own laziness and fears. Does this make sense? I like things to be easy - finding babysitting, taking time out of my day to train, making arrangements and planning in general... I get overwhelmed and frustrated at these things. But I'm learning that these things are just life! Life with a family, life with people and loved ones.
Overall, I need to relax and trust God for all the difficulties - whether physical or mentally conceived. I need to rely on God while just picking myself up and getting through it. I need help too. While I'm very scared of setting goals or putting my terrible long-distance runs on facebook, I need to be vulnerable and let other people push me towards using the gifts God has given me. Whether my gifting in track will be used for my own competition or just for coaching others using their gifts, it's about time I learn to let other people see my struggles and not to get down about it. God has redeemed me and if I truly believe this, it's enough to get me through anything! No matter how bad I jump or hurdle, no matter how hectic my days are, no matter how much pain or fatigue I am suffering from, God can totally handle it. And all these small physical struggles will be nothing compared to experiencing God's glory once I die.
All this to say, I hope you friends will help me out! You don't have to watch my kids (well, maybe once in a while) or cook me meals or go shopping for me. I just need you to encourage me to stay on the path I am choosing. I'm choosing it because I am so drawn to it and God has put the opportunity in front of me. I shouldn't expect life to be easy, but I'll never enjoy it to the extent God wants me to if I only do what's easy. My first goal is to run a 5k on June 18th. I want to run the whole thing (no stopping and walking) in under 12min/mile pace. Not ambitious on the time, but I'm a wuss and I ALWAYS stop and walk during my runs. Right now, I run about 5-7 minutes before I walk, then alternate every 3-5 min of walking and running... which is good training for someone out of shape and who stinks at endurance... but I need to step it up, push myself, and get to running longer stretches over the next few weeks.
As I come to mind, please pray for me! Pray that I just get up and put the work in, even when I don't feel like it or when it's inconvenient. Pray that mostly, God uses this time in my life to make Himself more known to me, to those around me and that it all glorifies Him. Sorry I hardly ever post, but hopefully you still love me just the same :) I'll keep you posted on how the training is going. Today's run was good, not amazing, but it was one of my longer runs without as much walking... making progress but more slowly than I want to be. Thanks for your support... I couldn't do anything without it!
May 4, 2011 at 3:57 PM
Wow! You are a lot like me! Well, I'm not a track runner. It's easy to just give up when the going gets tough. I have also felt this way lately. I feel like God has going back to school for me. I hope to be doing the Corban online starting in Sept. But, I am really struggling with the math classes at SWOCC. I feel like giving up. I have written down some things down that have come across fb.
1) Some people dream of success...while others wake up and work hard at it.
2) Don't let anyones opinion kill your belief in yourself.
3) Know your limits, but never stop trying to exceed them.
I keep these taped to my computer screen, and see them everyday. God also brings people across my path just when I need it. Soooooo...go for it! If I can start working on my bachelors degree at 52 yrs old, I know you can keep up with track. We could even try to encourage each other!
May 4, 2011 at 10:59 PM
Here I am, writing and re-writing my comment, trying to find the right words to encourage and assure you that you really can push through all of this, but feeling very unworthy because I struggle with the same issues! Just keep up the work, and you will improve. Don't be afraid to push yourself beyond what feels comfortable because you won't improve until you do that, and definitely keep reaching out like you have done here for encouragement.
I'll bet when you first started you weren't able to run as much as you can now, and next month you will be surprised at how much farther you can go! Just keep making progress and pushing yourself, you can do it!!! God will help you and we will be so excited to see you run that race and run it to the best of your own ability - go ahead and post those workouts so we can cheer you on. (I've been playing with the idea of doing some running myself, so maybe I might join in so you can be way better than me.)
Keep up the good work, you have it in you to achieve all your goals because you honor God in your life and He will lift you up beyond what you can dream! And that goes for you,too, Kristi!!