The Armstrong 5

I was reading in Matthew tonight (in the bible that is). I'm working on a lesson for bible study on Thursday and I am really feeling torn about so much. Mainly, I'm wondering, how much do I really believe that I will be rewarded in Heaven for what happens here on earth? Do I really believe that when I pursue God's desires (to reach the lost and heal the broken) and put my own desires on the side, that I will be blessed for eternity? Do I believe this enough to suffer financially for the rest of my life? Or even a small part of my life? Giving up a nice home, nice clothing (with a wide variety of styles), comfy cars, whatever... get what I'm saying? Maybe I don't believe as much as I thought. But now that I am realizing this, I cannot very well go back to being concerned about only myself, my family and my friends all the time. They are just a very, very small portion of the population.

I always forget that God is more than able to take care of me despite the worst mishandling of anything and everything I can imagine... so why not pursue His interests above all of mine? He gives us desires for a purpose I'm sure, like the apostle Paul's desire for the gentiles. I guess what I'm trying to do, is evaluate if I'm really willing to lose myself for other people's standing before God. I mean, duh, right? Why would I even think about asking that? Then why am I not doing it more? Really, I think it's because I prefer being comfortable, but I don't want to risk eternal joys for little, tiny, momentary comforts. Pray for me, because my heart needs to change before it gets too stuck.