The Armstrong 5

So, another health update for Asher :)

We had his follow up yesterday and the results are great! No signs of any type of infection. Also, they do some tests on the biopsies that should show signs of prolapse or other abnormal functions of the colon and his came back negative - crazy! His Dr was even surprised. At our last visit, Asher had a prolapse while using the bathroom so the Dr was able to see it with his own eyes (and he's seen a pic I had taken) so he said "It's really interesting since Asher is obviously having prolapses." But, the good news of this is that his prolapses are not causing any actual intestinal changes - whew!

So, no Chrohns or other intestinal diseases so far. I'm so grateful! Next up is doing some more thorough allergy testing. They did a small range of food allergy blood tests and Asher came back with a low reaction for Rice, Wheat, Tomatoes, Potatoes and White beans. Hmm. Taking out all of those foods would be more than difficult, so that's why we'll see the allergist, see what is worse of all those and possibly cut out one or two at a time to see if that causes any changes with his prolapses.

We may also meet with a surgeon to start looking at the possibility of fixing his issue from a purely mechanical standpoint. We might just meet to ask some more questions about what to look for (in terms of his prolapses causing damage & needing to be corrected quickly) and what the long-term looks like for Asher. Asher's specialist said that he almost never sees adults still having this issue & that usually, it corrects either as a person grows or by having it surgically fixed. So, when Mark gets back from Germany we'll chat in depth about what we want to do next. It sounds like things are healthy inside of Asher for now, so that gives us great peace of mind & a chance to make some minor changes without feeling rushed to get the problem fixed right away.

As far as the house in Beaverton goes, we ended up saying no. I'm sad but also encouraged. I have an unexplainable desire to move in that direction - not rational (some parts are, like Mark's long commute, I suppose).  I am having trouble deciphering where these desires are coming from - whether it's God leading us there or my own selfish desires. So, we've just been praying continually for God's direction. And with the house in Beaverton, what the owner was asking for us to do in order to move in was beyond the limit of what we had prayed about & decided.

All that said, life keeps moving forward! With Mark being in Berlin, Germany this week I have been a busy (and an extremely tired) woman!!! It has also reminded both of us that we need to take a vacation alone together. We have only stayed in a hotel for more than 2 nights alone once, and I was working 2 out of the 4 days and we both had family commitments the entire weekend. We never took a honeymoon and have only stayed in a hotel alone together more than one night ONCE since we got married over 8 years ago. Not to mention that even with the kids, we have only stayed at a hotel once or twice & only during trips to visit my parents... never just taking a trip to enjoy being together. So, I am excited to stay in McMinnville a bit longer in the hopes of setting aside some money for a nice trip for us, hopefully this year. There are so many places I'd love to see & take pictures of... I think I'll just be checking on Groupon a lot ;) Let me know if you have any great suggestions on places to go!

That's us for now. Both kids are missing papa this week but tomorrow they will be so happy & I'm sure bedtime will take some real work... but it'll be worth it to have my husband back! Honestly, Jesus has given me all I need (though I have not been the most gracious in accepting it) but it will be wonderful to have my husband to hug, talk with & enjoy the kids with - oh yeah, and share the discipline with too ;)

No, not the typical kiddo update, but a medical one!

Asher has an endoscopy/colonoscopy tomorrow, so today we are doing the whole "clearing the intestines" thing. Plus, he has to only have clear liquids all day - jello, popsicles, juice, soda, water. Surprisingly, he's doing really well! He doesn't often drink a ton but without the option for food, he's drinking liquids like a champ!

If you think of us tomorrow, pray! His procedure is at Emmanuel at 10:30am, should be done by 11:30am, and leaving the hospital in PDX around 1:30pm at the latest. Thankful that we have good insurance & a great Dr.

We'll keep you posted on the findings (which I should receive within a week or at his follow-up on March 1st). They basically just need to see the inside of his stomach & intestines to see what kind of inflammation and/or damage there might be going on, causing pain, sometimes blood & his prolapses. Those results will determine whether we need diet changes, medication or surgery (or possibly all 3). All are possibilities at this point.

I will post a kid update too :) Asher is learning to re-tell information really well! He has a memory like a steel trap too. He observes so much on his own, without us pointing things out & will tell us all about it later. His attitude has been very on & off lately, but the last week has been a major improvement. I'm learning to let him be his own person, trying new techniques for helping him understand my job as mom while still requiring obedience, & encouraging him in the ways God has made him different from me.  After talking with my mother-in-law & reading in a good book I realized that it's a stage for him, trying to gain his independence as a boy apart from me, his mom. When I give him credit for being different & independent from me, there are way fewer battles & I feel great fostering that "boy-ness" in him as well.

Asher enjoys running any and everywhere! He can run really fast for quite a while. He can also jump really far (boy after my own heart)!! Well, I feel like 4-5ft is pretty far for an almost 4yr old. Anyway, he really enjoys playing Candyland, reading bible stories, watching Dora & making up funny phrases & stories. He often says stuff like "Mom, tell me a story about you and your bike." Or "Tell me a story about going to the zoo." Love his little growing personality!

Last bit. We found a house in Beaverton. Our move in date is March17th. Craziness! I'm excited though. Mark and I just really feel like we need to just trust God's leading in our desire to move & step out, trusting that He's got good reasons for us moving out there. We've been praying for a while, especially praying that if we're to stay longer, God would just give us things to do here & the desire to stay, but our desire to go just kept getting stronger & stronger. Who knows, maybe this is one of those times where God just wants us to make a choice ourselves and trust that He'll use us & take care of us wherever we are. I'll give you more details on the actual house & neighborhood later...

Have a good week everyone - thanks for the prayers & I will do my best to keep you posted on Asher!

I realize I have not been posting very good updates lately - especially about the boys. They are ever growing, becoming so much more emotional (quite the challenge) and are never-ending bundles of energy. Recently, we took down the baby gate that leads upstairs, since Mark is no longer working at home & we can make all the noise as close to the upstairs as we wish. Well, for the kids, it has become their new favorite play place! They jump, climb, pretend they need saving & have all kinds of fun... and fights. So, please forgive me if I am not a bundle of joy myself today - I'm running low on optimism for several reasons :) Right now, I'm kind of in survival mode and it looks to be that way for a while. Life is not that bad, I'm very blessed & have all my needs met as well as many of my wants. Here's what life is looking like for me for the next few weeks... pray for me!

- to do in the next week: finish designing & printing 20pg booklet for women's retreat, finish designing & printing potential gifts, finish making slides for worship during women's retreat.
- February 21st - prep Asher for endoscopy/colonoscopy the next day - involves a clear fluid diet, lots of medicine to clean out his intestines meaning lots of time spent in the bathroom (while taking care of Cole).
- February 22nd - endoscopy/colonoscopy for Asher in PDX.
- February 23rd - recovery, dinner with our women's ministry before retreat
- February 24th-26th - women's retreat in Rockaway, OR - taking care of powerpoint for speaker & worship slides
- February 26th-March 2nd - Mark is taking a work trip to Germany, yes Germany.
- March 1st - Asher's follow-up giving test results, possible treatment plan, etc.
- sometime in March - making dentist appts for the whole family

I guess I'm feeling stressed b/c I know that even after all my obligations are fulfilled for Women's Retreat, I am 100% on-duty for the kids without even getting to say bye to Mark. That, and this constant up & down with moving, waiting, moving, deciding, looking at places, figuring out money, paying off bills that we have been delinquent on. I mean, we could focus on staying put & just keep paying those things off, but I'm not sure how much longer my sanity will hold up with Mark being gone for 12hrs a day, every day still knowing that eventually we will be moving. He has some other work-things going on with the other business he develops applications for so maybe that's the needle that is breaking this camels back. I'm a planner through and through, so waiting to move is torture... I figure, if we know we're going to, let's get one with figuring out all the details.

Anyway, I'm trying really hard to be excited, happy & positive about my role in all of these things... but it's been especially tough today. Things like letting the kids watch TV so I can get things done keeps making me feel guilty. I hate for them to watch a bunch of TV, but it's seriously the ONLY peace I get at home. Otherwise, kids are either fighting, talking to me, asking me questions, wanting me to do something for them, not obeying, making a mess or talking back. Add in being solely responsible for 3 full meals, laundry, cleaning, bills, errands & all the other random to-do's that come along with that and you have a recipe for exhaustion. I sure hope some of you can relate. With little boys, the attention span is smaller & their energy is incessant... just not sure how to cope today. I hate trying to take comfort in the fact that this stage won't last forever. I know it is true but that doesn't help me feel glad about being here now. I need to hunker down & trust that God knows I'm here & that there is some great purpose in it. Not just parenting my kiddos, but in shaping me for whatever is to come.

I've never been the type to want consistency or stability so much, but today, I just long for a place that is "permanent," my own, by myself where I can sleep, eat, knit, read & write without interruption and not think about everything that the next 2-4 months will be bringing my way and how it will for sure shift my world & daily life, much less thinking about all the ways it might could potentially shift our world (especially in regards to Asher). Again, this question of how to cope right now without wishing away the next 2 weeks. Pray for me! I guess that's what I really need :)

So, my good friend Kristi took me out for a WONDERFUL belated birthday lunch & dessert. She's so thoughtful! She took me to Red Hills something in Dundee, OR then, surprised me by taking me to cross an item off my "30 before 30" list - going with a friend to The Sweetest Thing in Newberg!! It was delicious. And it was so great to get to spend a few hours without kiddos, having great conversation and building our friendship even more. Kristi & I are great friends, but we don't always get a lot of time with each other, mostly due to busy schedules and commitments we both have with church (& her with her daughter's school). I was so thankful for the time this week tho, and so blessed to have such a thoughtful friend!

I follow this gal named Mandy, and she is pretty cool. Keeps me thinking about important things in life with the additional fun, stylish & entertaining posts :) She is a really neat Christian woman, helpful wife & a mom to a little sweety named Lily. You should definitely follow her blog here!

Also, she is having an incredible giveaway, using jewelry from this company. It's such a great thing - making jewelry to support hard working women in Uganda, India, Ecuador, Peru... even refugees in America! Noonday Collection - definitely take a look at their site and follow their blog! Plus, they have links to so many other organizations committed to spreading Jesus' love around the globe - amazing stuff! Below is a picture of the necklace you (or I) could win!! Please check both these blogs out and help spread the word!

I'm feeling such mixed emotions today. I cannot even think clearly enough to share them all. Feeling defeating, inspired, frustrated, time-crunched, motivated but tired, loving but drained - nothing too eventful has happened... just feeling such a whirlwind of the realities of life & the gospel. Hmm. I'm sure I will blog about many of these things soon enough - at least I hope!

Funny how a few years can change things.

The past couple weeks I've had an awakening of sorts to a certain stereotype. I've heard so many women talk about the stigma associated with being a stay at home mom. I have always thought "Eh, not a big deal, it's nothing to be embarrassed about." Which I should say, I still believe is true! But, I'm not feeling it's truth like I used to.

As I am getting older I am seeing how many women are pursuing careers, getting an education or gaining experience in some type of field so that when their children are older they have something ready to pursue in case they need to (or if they just want to). No harm in that. Really, if that's what God is calling you to, by all means DO IT! But, I am now seeing that it really takes a leap of faith for me to trust fully in God & trust fully in the salary my husband has to NOT pursue any of that.

Really, I'm not trying to cause any shame to be had by any person who is pursuing a career while they have a family. I'm simply noting the change in my thinking about my particular situation. I am also noting the assumed perceptions of others. I see that when I go out with my two boys, I notice more and more career women & I also see various "looks" given to me for having time during the day (due to not having a job) to run errands with my children. This is part of my "judging" problem but I feel like I've been getting these "looks" lately: "Oh, you JUST stay home with your kids" or "Oh, you don't have a REAL job" or "You have all this free time because you don't really do anything besides being at home." Maybe it's just me, but I have been feeling that pressure to have a back up plan more and more. Not because I actually need to, but because of how it feels socially to not have any other plan besides raising children, serving my spouse and helping out whoever else comes along that needs help.

Right now, my husband has the best paying job he's ever had. Right now, I am super busy with two boys and don't really have time to work without taking time away from them. Right now, we are at a very pivotal point of either adding to our family or going down this road with just our two kids. It's so strange to be in this position and taking note of how the outside world perceives it. Right now, it is taking an immense amount of assurance from the Lord to be content and say "Whatever happens, God can handle it." I know this is true in every circumstance. But it's another thing to pursue a road of complete dependance on your spouse & his career while the rest of the world thinks it wise to create an extra path for yourself, should the worst happen.

Don't get me wrong, we have life insurance and I don't completely lack regular job-skills ;) But, I don't want to spend my time preparing for something that might never be needed. If I spend money & energy & time trying to get somewhere I might never need to be, well, that feels like a waste. But trusting in God's provision & pursuing what He's put in front of me is never a waste of a good mind (or a good body). It's so strange that our culture so little values the investment of a mother into her children. Or for that matter, so little values a person sacrificing themselves for another needy person.

I want to be content never having had a career or accolades or a bachelor's degree or any other thing as long as the people I love can say "She pursued loving others more than anything else." Often, a woman needs a college degree, or job experience or a plan to provide for her family. But right now, I don't have that need (notice I'm saying "I," not "you") & I desire to be content with the plan God has for me today - to serve my family and reach out to those in need around me. And I will do my best to not let the "looks" get to me ;) I really want to be so assured of God's work in my situation in life that the "looks" from others often change when they see my joy. Really, this is a great goal that can be attained by anyone in any stage of life - to be content with the purpose for today, enough to radiate joy despite circumstance.

Well, those are my "deep" thoughts for today. Just the realization that I am aging, that new skills, a new career or more education will be more of a challenge after this part of my life (or they might just take longer). But also the feeling & knowledge that it will be a worthwhile trade-off for what I have going on in my life today - loving and serving people :)

Again, this post isn't intended to be a lecture how every mom should stay at home with her kids, because that just isn't the truth. This is just a little bit on how I've noticed myself feeling the pressure to have something job-wise outside of the home. I hope you can feel my heart and my emotions in this, that overall, I just want to be content and assured in the plans God has for me today.

I cannot believe that 2011 is already ending. I sort of had a resolution from last year - to not complain. I must admit, I did pretty well until just after my trip to Thailand. Not sure what happened there, but I want to keep that one up again this year. I think complaining is one of the worst things you can do to disprove how much you actually trust in Jesus - after all, if you really believe He knows best and has your best interest at heart, then you should be happy to endure whatever it is you're going through b/c you know He's got it, right? I think so & I want to live that way regularly!

There is another big thing I want to work on this year too. Grace!! I'm not a very gracious person by nature (anyone who knows me from HS or college has a good idea of this). I can be very judgmental and condemning. Instead, I want to live in a way that makes other people want to pursue a right relationship with God. Even with my kids, instead of showing them how sad & awful it is to not have a right relationship with God, I want them to see how great it is to have that relationship. Instead of being upset when I see a wrong-doing or injustice, I want to spend time praying for the situation and looking intelligently at what I can do about it. And if there's nothing I can tangibly do, to continue to pray and trust that God sees it.

Those are the big things: to not complain, to be more gracious. While complaining is pretty measurable, graciousness is a bit different. My hope is that I get to the end of 2012 and am able to take note of how my actions towards those I love are different and that (hopefully) others have noticed the change as well. I guess I will have to just aim high and trust that God will change me and trust that if I stay humble, He will help me take note in areas that need improvement or drastic change!

I also want to be more of a "doer." I know that many of my friends say "You are so busy" or "I know you have a lot going on" but I don't actually feel like I do that much!! I have a bunch of little things and your general life-commitment things like being a wife and mother, but I have so many desires and ambitions in my head that never come to fruition. It's frustrating. I know I could use my time better & I have LOTS of room to be more disciplined in areas like fitness, communication with family, spending time with important people (important to me, that is) and I am horrible at maintaining a clean, organized home. Ugh!! But, I have a few tangible goals in those areas (see my 30 before 30 list) so I'm hopeful that you, my friends and bloggers, can help keep me on track. With this, it will be necessary to toss aside frivolous hopes, dreams and potential outcomes and focus on the reality that only what I start doing is what will get done! True right? I cannot take time to daydream about being a great blogger if I never sit down and blog! I cannot daydream about being able to run 3 miles well without actually practicing running! I want to stop being the type of person who just talks about what they want to do and start being the type of person who gets a move on it.

So, here we are to my list of resolutions!!

#1 - No complaining! Sharing is okay mostly, but no bad attitudes about what is happening in life.
#2 - Be more gracious next year than I am today.
#3 - Be a doer!! Complicated, but possible. Take action to accomplish fitness goals. Take action to maintain important relationships. Take action to keep my home a pleasant place to be.

There. I think that's enough work for a whole year right?? If I have it all nailed down by February I'll let you know ;) I have so many thoughts about why these things are important to me, but I'll save that for another post in January (that whole taking action thing will be important to make sure it happens)! I hope that New Year's is a great time for you - that you find inspiration to live a life that glorifies God & trust that He will accomplish good purposes through you, no matter what kind of life you are coming from! Happy New Years!!

So, I finished my 30 before 30 list! Pretty exciting stuff :) I hope that it will encourage me to make better goals to be active in enjoying the life I have. I feel so blessed about 90% of the time, and the other 10% I feel guilty because I know I am blessed but don't feel it. Anyway, I want to enjoy life, make the most of it and really encourage others to make the most of theirs too. I didn't really put any spiritual goals on there tho. That's more my like my "New Year's" type of thing. Which I will hopefully blog about soon.

So, look at the top of this post for my page that says "30 before 30" and keep me accountable! I'll be crossing things off the list as I do them. It'll be crazy to look at these a year from now. Hopefully I'll look back with joy and be ready to make another list of goals! Thanks for all the friends and family who have been and will be a part of my life... it would really stink without all of you :) Thanks especially to my dear husband who is great at encouraging me despite often feeling like he doesn't know how to help and for keeping me accountable without totally crushing my spirit! He really is awesome and I'm so glad God put us together and fashioned us so uniquely for each other. If you have a list of goals, please share!! I'd love to see what you want to do this year!

Yes, I am so inconsistent! Sorry. Hopefully not many of you are dying to know what my life is like all the time... you could probably just check Facebook tho to get a general idea.

So, since I turn 29 this month, I am making a "30 before 30" list. Fun huh? Maybe, hopefully! I'm not very good at setting & accomplishing goals. This will be a good task for me. My hope is to stay on top of it... have goals for each season of the year so that way I can make progress all year. That's the purpose right? To make some goals that keep you thinking about what you want to accomplish in life. Now, most of these goals are not things that I really want to make sure I do before I die per-se. I just want to stay active & see to it that I enjoy the things God has given in life. This is weird to say, but if you know me well, you know I struggle with enjoying things. I'm in the middle of trying to unravel all of this, but it's an exhausting and complicated process. Hopefully, God will provide me pieces of clarity along the way.

One of the contributing issues is my strong desire to look good. I absolutely hate looking bad. Bad hair days, fat days, nothing to wear that makes me look stylish days - these are all small (and honestly, unimportant) things that cause me to have a terrible attitude. When I was in Thailand, about 7 days into the trip, I realized that I hadn't thought much about what I would be wearing. I was there to do something else - something important - so clothes didn't matter much to me for that week. Then I realized that at home, I CONSTANTLY worry about clothes. Maybe not always worry, but I think, plan, organize, long for more stylish stuff so often. Why? What is this desire to look good? Cultural, personal, sinful, distracting? I'm also unraveling this issue. I feel like if I was really, truly centered in God's love and earnest in pursuing the advancement of His kingdom, I wouldn't care so much about my clothes. Even when I know in my mind that it does not matter, even when I am at home all day & seeing no one, I still try so hard to look good & often am a terrible, anxious crank when I don't. I don't think I try to look good for anyone in particular, I just feel better when I do. So I cater to those feelings & struggle with how to handle them when I don't look at good as I want. Why do I want it so bad? Insecurity? Yes, probably a huge part of it!! And that's a huge inconsistency in my life - telling other's about God's love and goodness, but not believing it enough to give me security.

I've been dealing with that issue for a long time, but lately, it's come to my attention that if I want to serve God, to love Him and truly be active in experiencing His presence, I need to start dealing with it. Yes, our culture very much has an influence on this topic - how we look & feel about the way we look - but God is all about breaking cultural strongholds to give us freedom. I do want that, I just want to look nice while I have it. Ugh! So frustrating dealing with myself and my emotions and my trivial desires. And don't for a second think about telling me it's okay to want to look good - if you can find it in the bible, sure, tell me... but I'm pretty sure it's not in there. And yes, there are things the bible doesn't talk about that are good things, but the desire to be fashionable and beautiful is a distracting issue for me & causes my heart to wrestle and desire the world. That's really why I want to deal with it. I want to ensure that I am not a slave to the world (1 John 2:15).

Anyway, just thought I'd share my current "self" and tell all of you faithful followers that I'm alive and surviving :) Mark's job is a dream for him, and once we start getting paid I'm sure I'll be a bit more relieved & feel better about his time away from home. I'm super proud of him for landing such a fabulous job. Tons of people always tell him he's smart, but this is the first time his job has confirmed it too, and that's exciting! The commute is pretty awful, so at this point, we'll probably start looking at moving to Portland or the Tigard area towards February... we both feel like we just cannot justify 15-20hrs of driving all week. It's not the money or anything, just the time spent sitting around! If God puts it on our hearts to stay, by all means we will, but we've got to at least start moving in a direction and see if God blesses it.

Well, when I get my "30 before 30" list done, I'll blog again and put it up for everyone to see! That's scary - but, it'll be good because hopefully, it'll ensure I stay committed! Thanks for reading - pray for me if you think to!!