Homemade Granola! Courtesy of Kelsey :)

Posted by Joellen Monday, July 11, 2011 5:13 PM 0 comments
My jumper friend from college, Kelsey Cantrall, gave me a recipe for homemade granola a while back. She boasted that her boys LOVE eating it for breakfast so I thought I'd give it a try! This has a few little modifications... but seriously, it's simple, quick and SUPER DELICIOUS! My boys will eat it everyday, multiple times a day if I let them, until it is all gone... about 4 days later. And for a bonus today... I have a few pics of it. Enjoy!!

Ingredients:
- 4 cups quick-oats
- 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
- 1 & 1/2 cups sliced almonds
- 1 & 1/2 cup dried cranberries
- 1/2 cup shredded coconut
- 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/4 cup canola oil (she uses coconut, the recipe said cooking - use what you want!)
- 1/3 cup agave nectar (it calls for honey - I've done both but prefer the agave - I get it at Grocery Outlet for cheap)
- 1 teaspoon vanilla

Directions:
- preheat oven to 300 degrees F. In a large bowl, mix the oats, flour, almonds, dried cranberries, brown sugar, salt and cinnamon. In the microwave, gently warm oil & agave nectar (or honey). Stir in vanilla. Carefully pour liquid over oat mixture. Stir gently with a wooden spoon.
- spread granola in a 9x13 baking dish. Bake 40 mins, stirring carefully every 10 minutes. Transfer granola-filled pan to a rack; cool completely. Seal granola in an airtight container. Store at room temperature.

* the original recipe says to add in the dried cranberries after the granola is done, but I like to have them be a little chewier and have that baked taste. I actually kept forgetting & just dumping them in, but hey, I like it anyway! You can try both and see what you think!


Kiddos!

Posted by Joellen Thursday, July 7, 2011 8:26 PM 2 comments

I love this pic! Asher looks so big to me!! This is a picture of Cole, Analeigh (turned 2 at the end of May) & Asher. Analeigh's mom is Mary, Mark's sister. We all went for a walk yesterday when Mark's mom had Ana for a while - it was hot, but fun! By the way, Ana is just sitting back on the bench further than Cole - they are actually about the same height, tho Coley has a few pounds on her :)

John

Posted by Joellen Monday, July 4, 2011 3:17 PM 0 comments
This is a great book so far! I'm only about 1/4 of the way in, and I have to admit, I am quite the Beth Moore fan, but I can tell that this book will stick with me. It's a great mix of the historical accounts of Jesus and his disciples but it is not lacking in heart and insight. I've always loved the book of John and been so curious as to how these people were with Jesus - I actually took an amazing "Writings of John" course in college and that was very inspirational as well. And when I say inspirational, I guess I more just mean that it motivated me to know more about Jesus and the bible - not gooshy, feely, all emotional-like inspirtational :)

Anyway, if you're looking for a good read, this will keep ya going for a bit!!


Ugh!

Posted by Joellen Friday, July 1, 2011 2:58 PM 1 comments
I'm realizing how bad I've been about blogging. I'm on track to only post HALF as many times as I posted last year - eesh! I guess I hesitate to post a lot for many reasons: 1 - time! 2 - no pictures or video to go along with what I'm planning on sharing 3 - I don't know what to share! My mind is often spinning incessantly with different ideas, theories on life, theories on Christian living, problem solving ideas for my kids (sometimes for other people too depending on the situation). I hate getting on here and just "chit chatting" but then I realize, I just never write! So, here's to just writing something totally random.

Today, we were having a small picnic in the backyard and Cole fell backwards off the seat at the little-tykes picnic table... not a far fall, but right into the rod-iron leg of grandma's sun chair. As I lifted him up I saw something on the back of his head and then soon realized, it's blood! It was just dripping and dripping and dripping. But, I got it to stop bleeding within a few minutes, thankfully! Asher got me my phone so I could call Mark, have him get me Cole's binky, monkey and a new shirt. I was actually really glad I had cut his hair just 2 hrs before - less mess :) Anyway, it was still kinda oozing, just a teensy bit, and it was naptime... what to do? I put a 3 inch bandaid on his head! I had no clue what else to do!! I guess I could have just put a towel down under his head, but the bandaid (while a weird solution) seemed like the best solution at the time - we'll see when he wakes up and I try to take it off. But, I think we might be heading to the mall tonight, so I might just leave it on until later? But what about riding in the stroller with a yucky, half-wet scab? These are things you don't think about until your kid has a huge gush on the back of their head. Ah well, he was happy within 15 minutes or so afterwards, so we weren't dealing with pain or anything, just mess. We'll see what happens later today!

Now, this topic is touchy. And I want to write more about it, but I'm bad at writing thoughts down as they come, so I don't have much "saved up" yet. I know most of us women struggle with our appearance. But it makes me really sad to see so many Christian women letting it get themselves down, or constantly seeking to better their appearance, or just catering to feeling bad about it by "fixing" the problem areas. Exercise I totally understand - you just feel better! And it's good to be healthy. But the constant getting hair & nails done... I just don't get it. Well, that's not entirely true, I get it, but I don't think it's good that I get it - make sense? :S We are people, we are driven towards beauty and it really, truly feels good to look lovely. But as Christians, shouldn't we recognize that any feeling of goodness we get from our appearance is really just vanity? In fact, I often feel bad realizing that it's so easy for me to feel good or bad based on how I look each day. It's human nature, yes, but don't we have Christ's Holy Spirit living in us, reminding us that the joy in the glory to come is enough for every day? When we live happily simply b/c everything about our appearance is falling in place that day, well, doesn't that just tell us that our joy is misplaced? I have trouble with this b/c it's a daily struggle for me, but I've come to a point where I recognize that I am struggling with sin (vanity), not just feelings or hormones. And I just wonder if maybe us Christian women are neglecting the fact that good feelings based on appearance are passing, fruitless, vain and generally, a big waste of energy. Shouldn't we be aiming for a more permanent joy instead of problem-solving our appearance until we are content? Seriously, point the finger at me first, it's a daily struggle! But we've got to start fighting it!! Don't you think?? I want to fight it, but I find that many women don't, and even go to lengths to make excuses for it. We need to hold each other to a higher standard!

And our appearance is just one spot of this issue of discontentment. Really, I think most sins come down to discontentment. So many daily choices for me come down to discontentment. But I said this in January, and I am still saying it today - it's worth fighting discontentment every day! It's worth it to abstain from complaining every moment, every day! There are few things we need in life, and in America, there is little to complain about. We complain b/c we look at what other people have, or pretty much, whatever we don't have. I want to look at the life I have in Christ and let that be enough to swallow every bit of discontentment and every complaint left in me - it's worth it 100% of the time. Even if I have nothing on earth, it's still worth it to have joy in Christ... we'll all see that once we die, I know it.

Anyway, that is my random blog post. I definitely want to write a bunch more on that topic of discontentment... it is part of my plan for the year but it hasn't really happened yet... guess I better get on it!! Thanks for reading :)

Asher & Me - Updates!

Posted by Joellen Wednesday, June 29, 2011 4:21 PM 0 comments
So, I realized the other day when my big sis called (sorry Naomi, I WILL call you back soon) that I have not updated on my blog about Asher's CF test results. I know many of you check on facebook so I kinda forgot to put that up here - sorry!!! The test results came back negative! Yay! But, his stool samples all had either yeast, while blood cells or red blood cells in them, so he's on a daily pre-biotic for 30 days and will have another stool sample "taken" and see how that's looking. He's also on Miralax every other day to make sure he isn't having any bouts with constipation. Hopefully, a few months of clearing things up and getting his diet in line will get him to a "normal" place with all of that.

My update - no, not pregnant - is about Thailand! I've been wanting to go somewhere else in the world to help another ministry and just experience how God is moving in other cultures for some time now. So, after hearing my friend Scotty share about her trip to Rwanda with e3 Partners, I figured I should just do something with e3 Partners too. I mean, they have a great model for establishing & helping local churches and it was so amazing to really see that when people say God just needs a person to be willing to go, that it is really true! Scotty met a 76 year old woman in Rwanda who lived in her village her entire life - Scotty was the 1st white woman she EVER met! And, that woman realized that she needed to either accept Christ or deny Him, and thankfully, she's accepted him! Most of the people who came to accept Christ's gift of Salvation are now attending a small home groups as well as their local church, which grew significantly with the help of e3.

You see, most of the local churches there are comprised of new believers who may not even own a single bible in their native language! They just need a little training & encouragement to be bold and seek out the people in their village and pursue them with God's love and truth.

Anyway, all this to say, I am signed up and on the way to going to Chiang Mai, Thailand from October 12th-24th with a Sports focused ministry! I'm so excited! It's been a long time since I've done the wordless book or even shared the main points of knowing Jesus as your Savior. In fact, it's got me wondering why I don't do it more often. I find it sad that in America, people "know" about Jesus, but because of self-sufficiency or just contentment with the world, people don't care to actually make a choice - that choice really is God or the world. And, believe it or not, even when we think we haven't made a choice, we have... because there really is no in-between!

So, I want to chase after God and His purposes. In Thailand, less than 1% of the population are Christians even though it is a religiously "free" country! Families often participate in the slave trade (selling their children) or prostitution to keep their other family members fed. We want them to know Jesus, to learn that He is the only sure thing, and that harming others to provide for your physical needs is the worst thing you can do for your eternal state.

I'll keep you posted as my training for going to Thailand progresses. I have a site through e3 Partners where you can get information about their organization and where you can also donate for my trip - click here! Please take a few minutes to browse around. Also, if you are interested in becoming a prayer partner during my adventure, please let me know and I'll add you to my list! Thanks so much and you'll be hearing from me soon :)

Motherhood & Mission-hood.

Posted by Joellen Sunday, June 26, 2011 1:24 PM 0 comments
My friend Kelsey posted this on her blog today - if you're a mom, you better read it!!


If you are a mom, please take a few minutes to read this blog post fromDesiring God. I hope it blesses you as much as it has blessed me.


There is a good old saying, perhaps only said by my Grandfather, that distance adds intrigue. It is certainly true — just think back to anything that has ever been distant from you that is now near. Your driver’s license. Marriage. Children. Things that used to seem so fascinating, but as they draw near become less mystical and more, well, real.

This same principle certainly applies to mission fields too. The closer you get to home, the less intriguing the work of sacrifice seems. As someone once said, “Everyone wants to save the world, but no one wants to help Mom with the dishes.” When you are a mother at home with your children, the church is not clamoring for monthly ministry updates. When you talk to other believers, there is not any kind of awe about what you are sacrificing for the gospel. People are not pressing you for needs you might have, how they can pray for you. It does not feel intriguing, or glamorous. Your work is normal, because it is as close to home as you can possibly be. You have actually gone so far as to become home.

Home: The Headwaters of Mission

If you are a Christian woman who loves the Lord, the gospel is important to you. It is easy to become discouraged, thinking that the work you are doing does not matter much. If you were really doing something for Christ you would be out there, somewhere else, doing it. Even if you have a great perspective on your role in the kingdom, it is easy to lose sight of it in the mismatched socks, in the morning sickness, in the dirty dishes. It is easy to confuse intrigue with value, and begin viewing yourself as the least valuable part of the Church.

There are a number of ways in which mothers need to study their own roles, and begin to see them, not as boring and inconsequential, but as home, the headwaters of missions.

At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood. Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel. Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.

Faith Makes the Small Offering Great

If you are like me, then you may be thinking “What did I ever give up for them? A desk job? Time at the gym? Extra spending money? My twenty- year- old figure? Some sleep?” Doesn’t seem like much when you put it next to the work of some of the great missionaries, people who gave their lives for the gospel.

Think about the feeding of the five thousand when the disciples went out and rounded up the food that was available. It wasn’t much. Some loaves. Some fish. Think of some woman pulling her fish out and handing it to one of the disciples. That had to have felt like a small offering. But the important thing about those loaves and those fishes was not how big they were when they were given, it was about whose hands they were given into. In the hands of the Lord, that offering was sufficient. It was more than sufficient. There were leftovers. Given in faith, even a small offering becomes great.

Look at your children in faith, and see how many people will be ministered to by your ministering to them. How many people will your children know in their lives? How many grandchildren are represented in the faces around your table now?

Gain What You Cannot Lose in Them

So, if mothers are strategically situated to impact missions so greatly, why do we see so little coming from it?  I think the answer to this is quite simple: sin. Discontent, pettiness, selfishness, resentment. Christians often feel like the right thing to do is to be ashamed about what we have. We hear that quote of Jim Elliot’s and think that we ought to sell our homes and move to some place where they need the gospel.

But I’d like to challenge you to look at it differently. Giving up what you cannot keep does not mean giving up your home, or your job so you can go serve somewhere else. It is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.

It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive.

God loves the little offerings. Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She is the author of "Loving the Little Years" and blogs at Femina. Her husband is Luke, and they have five children: Evangeline (5), Daphne (4), Chloe (2), Titus (2), and Blaire (5 months).

Just stuff!!

Posted by Joellen Friday, June 24, 2011 1:38 PM 0 comments
I feel like life is flying by these days. I always wish I could blog more, but I honestly don't know where I'd find the time. My best friend Chelsi is due with her 3rd baby in just 4 weeks! I'm planning on flying out to "help" at the end of August with Cole, but we're hoping that all 4 of us can go. I'm bummed b/c last night we missed out on a really good/super cheap deal for tickets - we just don't have all the money and are trying not to be frivolous... it's tough! But, I'll just keep praying and hope that God will make a way for that to happen.

I wanted to blog a little about the boys - they are getting so big! And doing so much!!

Asher:
- can fully zip his own sweatshirt - bottom to top!
- can buckle himself completely in his car seat - he even shuts the car door once he hops in :)
- is pretending A LOT! Pretending we're robots, that the floor is water, that something he's touching is hot, that he's flying, or that his toy is flying. Funny stuff.
- clears his plate all on his own after every meal.
- remembers TONS of stuff that we don't realize he's even listening to.
- asks me if it's okay to say things - we noticed that in one of his movies it has a few words like "dumb" or "stupid" or things like that, so now he'll say "Mom, is it okay if I say oh my goodness?"
- sometimes, he just comes up to me, almost crying and says "Mom, I just love you" and gives me a hug. Don't know why or how it started, but it's SO sweet!
- likes to help put ice in our water bottles, waffles in the toaster, help measure ingredients while cooking, throw out the dirty diapers, etc.
- has terrible allergies! We spent several hours, several days in a row outside, then on Wed his eye swelled up SO badly that's it is just now almost all the way normal. So, hopefully the end of July will be the end of his allergy season - one can hope!

Cole:
- talking like a champ!! - "I want din(ner)." "I want siss (kiss)" "I got" "take bath" "gwink (drink)" and so many more!! He'll say lots of things that are slurred together but are in "sentence" form like - go for a walk, play outside, go downstairs, have a chip, want an orange, where's the phone, I don't know, want my monkey (which is: want me me-me), read a book, have some gum, have some (insert anything he can't have), went pee-pee (which is actually always poo-poo). It sure is fun hearing him talk!
- gives Asher sweet kisses before each nap and bedtime :)
- is usually still awake at 8:15/8:30 everytime we put Ash to bed, even tho he's been in bed since 7:30... he welcomes Mark with a big "HI!!!"
- mimics ambulances and fire engines to a T!
- loves chewing gum & hates the sun in his eyes.
- has been SOO much better in the car lately - phew!
- loves slides, hates swings.
- loves going out back in grandma's little pool!!
- gives the best little kisses - a full on "mwah"
- the other day, Mark was feeling ill, so I took the boys out to lunch by myself. As we left the door, Cole looks back at Mark and blows him a huge kiss with two hands and huge smile, it was so adorable!

It's so hard to just list out all the fun & interesting things the boys do every day. But they are a hoot and we sure love watching them grow!

One last thing. I changed my business name (for my photography) to Studio 327, after the verse Proverbs 3:27. Someone very local was using the name Joli Photographie (compared to my JoliPhoto) and since I hadn't bought an official business license in several years, I just decided to change my name. It was about time for an overhaul anyway! You can go to my semi-finished site at www.s327.com and check it out! Refer me please!!! I'll give you free prints or even a Starbucks card :)

Thanks for checking in - enjoy your summer!

Asher.

Posted by Joellen Monday, June 6, 2011 1:33 PM 0 comments
Hey friends, I have some info about Asher that hasn't been completely public, but I wanted to put it on here to make sure everyone knows what's going on.

Last summer Asher began having rectal prolapse about every week (sometimes more, sometimes less) and throughout the fall/winter it was pretty minimal with the help of using MiraLax. However, his Dr now has become a little more concerned after seeing an actual photo of what was happening - yes, we had to take a photo, kinda yucky - and now we're taking steps to find out what the actual problem is. About 33% of people who have rectal prolapse have Cystic Fibrosis. I know lots of people have heard about CF but only really in regards to severe cases - it may not be as awful as it is portrayed, more details below. Asher was tested last Friday but we have yet to receive any results, despite being told we'd hear from them on Friday evening. It is a pretty specialized test, basically not used for anything other than testing for CF, so we had to drive to Salem to get it done. 

It was not too bad. They put little discs of a substance connected to little electrodes that make a small area of the arm sweat. Then, after 5 min of that, they strap on a little disc that gathers the sweat over the next 30 min. Once collected, they measure the amount of chloride in the sweat. You see, people with CF don't absorb salt or fat, so their sweat is EXTRA salty compared to people without CF. That is also where all the coughing comes in... salt helps break down mucous in the body, and without enough salt, mucous builds up in many areas, especially the lungs. That is why people with CF cough a lot (mucous and often blood from the intensity) and suffer from different respiratory infections.

So, Asher doesn't really have any other symptoms at this point besides his skin tasting salty sometimes. He does cough a bit sometimes after his naps, but not enough to really alarm me when he doesn't have a cold or something. However, Ash does sweat a lot during his naps and nighttime, so the saltiness could just be from that. Somehow, I have almost complete peace in this. While it feels a bit weird knowing that this week I'll have this piece of information either changing our lives or just redirecting the Dr's efforts, I'm really not worried. God never promises anyone a certain amount of years. And if Ash does have CF, God knows it and He already knew before he was formed inside of me. Even from a worldly standpoint, if Ash does have CF, he does not have a severe case (at least for now) and many people with mild cases live even until their 60's with this disease. I know that in the worst case scenario, God will glorify Himself through our family and through Asher. And best case scenario, God is still glorified and we are so thankful for the peace He's given us!

I will likely post again once I have results from the Dr. Pray that God continues to give me peace. And while you're at it, pray that God gives me wisdom in parenting Asher lately - 3 has definitely been worse than two! ;) He's emotional, expressive, demanding and particular - whew! We've had some rough outings lately! While we have our rough days, I can tell he is learning and growing in new ways every day. Some of the things he says just crack me up!! The other day, Ash was asking Mark to pick him up, after which Asher says "Now I can see EVERYTHING!" And the way he always asks if he can come running with me or tries to mimic my exercises... we sure do love this kid! Here's a pic from our last trip to the beach... hopefully more trips with be in the near future!!!


My First 5k!

Posted by Joellen Tuesday, May 31, 2011 10:02 PM 0 comments
I'm pretty excited that I actually signed up to run a 5k. I am also, sometimes, totally out of my mind! ;) I have been "training" for it for a few months - nothing completely consistent until the last month tho. And let me tell you, I really stink at longer distances. I know, 3 miles hardly counts as a longer distance, but for me it does! Until college, I had never run further than a mile. And even the miles I had run, were just a few timed runs for school, not EVER on a regular basis. In college we did a lot of 20 min runs and it was rare that I made it the whole way without walking - maybe 50/50.

Some of you probably saw my post on FB about the run and in an effort to encourage me, my older sister said something like "if all else fails, run a 10 min mile." Problem is, I barely make it 1.5 miles running slower than that! I know, I told you, I really stink! But I am getting better and I hope to make the whole 3.12 miles without walking!! Eek!

So, this week, I'm running at least 4 days a week (compared to my regular 3) and I plan on trying to make it over 2 miles of solid running at least once this week. I also plan on driving the route of the actual race and possibly taking the boys on a run through part of the route, since it is within walking distance of my house.

I've really gone back and forth about if I want people to come and "watch" me run. I loved having people come and watch me long jump, high jump and hurdle, and if it was a good day, I didn't mind the audience for triple jump either. The 400m was never an event I trained for, but somehow, I got wrangled into running one for a relay a few times. My most embarrassing race ever was not actually the 100m hurdle race where I fell over the first hurdle, but actually my TERRIBLE 800m at the end of my heptathlon. I think mostly, these longer races really prove that I have no guts! When the rubber meets the road, I'm tired of hurting, tired of trying and would rather quit than get a bad time. Bummer. I hate admitting this about myself, but I'm trying to deal with it and I know this is an area of my life God desires me to have His victory in. I need to worry less about appearances, give my all, trust God will sustain me and let that be enough. I don't need to be better than someone else, even though it drives me and frankly, it's more fun! I just need to focus on working on the things God puts in front of me! This is so applicable in SOOOOO many areas of my life.

No sighing though! It's time I dealt with it!! So, my race is June 18th, here in McMinnville, starting at 9am. You can view the route of the race here. It's for the McMinnville Habitat for Humanity and I'm happy to be running for a cause that tangibly helps people. While I'm still not sure I can meet my goal, I'm becoming a bit more confident that I'm close. I think if I can get a 2.5 mile run in before the race I'll be a bit more determined :) And let's all pray that I have the guts to stay determined and push through in my last few weeks of training and during race-time. Depending on how this goes, I might also run this race - The Bowerman AC. If Tracy gets her butt in gear, her and Mark C. might run too!

Thanks for following my sparatic blog posts... maybe someday I'll be more diligent, but, not likely this month - well, maybe ;) You'll just have to check back to find out!

Jimmy Eat World - Live!

Posted by Joellen Friday, May 20, 2011 8:14 AM 0 comments
Last night, Mark and I had a fabulous time seeing Jimmy Eat World at the Wonder Ballroom in Portland. It was awesome! I've loved their music ever since Mark introduced me to them when we were first engaged. And now, I just love it even more! They had great stage presence, were not crazy wild but totally into their music, they sounded great live, the venue was awesome - definitely one of my favorite dates with Mark :)

Anyway, if you've never heard of Jimmy Eat World, I suggest you go and buy a couple of their CD's, if not all of them! Futures is one of my favorites. And Bleed American is definitely a classic, and I believe many of you know the song "The Middle" off of that album - it's in a lot of movies and shows.

So, here are a couple of videos I took of the concert - take a few minutes to watch/listen - you'll be glad you did! They are very talented and their music just moves me. Mark and I were close to the front, right behind a woman in a wheelchair so we had a great view of the concert. Enjoy!!

23 - off the album Futures - full song


Sweetness - off the album Bleed American - last minute of the song


Let it Happen - off the album Chase the Light - over a minute of the song

Challenges in General.

Posted by Joellen Wednesday, May 4, 2011 3:28 PM 2 comments
I'm learning a lot more about myself lately. Which is good and bad. Good because it ALWAYS leads to me realizing that I need God more than I think, and bad because, well, again, I realize I need God and see how lowly I really am.

One thing I'm seeing (and many of you probably already know this about me) is that I'm really bad at setting goals. I'm also really bad at following through on things I want to do. Yes, the two are DEFINITELY linked! I don't set goals b/c I am afraid of not meeting them. I'm afraid of telling anyone my goals b/c I don't want to be made fun of or questioned about my talents, desires, abilities, etc. And this is the big one, I'm really afraid of setting goals b/c I am afraid of the commitment it will take to achieve those, and I am always secretly wondering if I can really do it.

I also give up VERY easily. Ugh. See what I mean about learning about myself? I've only done 2 things for a semi-extended amount of time. Track and photography. And with track, when I wasn't in school, I went to practices on and off for a month the first year, and maybe 2 months the year after that. Not impressive. With photography, I did it for a while, but I never really sacrificed anything to be better at it or make myself "known" or excel in it. I did what most people would do and therefore, got where most people get... not anywhere too significant.

This has been weighing on me greatly. Mostly b/c I am training to compete in track and field next year. Probably just a few open meets. But I fear that I will chicken out during the summer, fall and winter, then come track season, I'll know that I'm not in great shape and therefore set no goals for myself, and will likely come up with some other excuse to just not do it. But then, I'll go to a few meets and mope about how good I was, how I threw it all away and just be down on myself. How do I break this cycle??

The truth is, I cannot break this cycle. This is human nature. God has to do something about it. But I also have to be brave and bold enough to ask God to help me. Which means not fearing man and only fearing myself stopping God through my own laziness and fears. Does this make sense? I like things to be easy - finding babysitting, taking time out of my day to train, making arrangements and planning in general... I get overwhelmed and frustrated at these things. But I'm learning that these things are just life! Life with a family, life with people and loved ones.

Overall, I need to relax and trust God for all the difficulties - whether physical or mentally conceived. I need to rely on God while just picking myself up and getting through it. I need help too. While I'm very scared of setting goals or putting my terrible long-distance runs on facebook, I need to be vulnerable and let other people push me towards using the gifts God has given me. Whether my gifting in track will be used for my own competition or just for coaching others using their gifts, it's about time I learn to let other people see my struggles and not to get down about it. God has redeemed me and if I truly believe this, it's enough to get me through anything! No matter how bad I jump or hurdle, no matter how hectic my days are, no matter how much pain or fatigue I am suffering from, God can totally handle it. And all these small physical struggles will be nothing compared to experiencing God's glory once I die.

All this to say, I hope you friends will help me out! You don't have to watch my kids (well, maybe once in a while) or cook me meals or go shopping for me. I just need you to encourage me to stay on the path I am choosing. I'm choosing it because I am so drawn to it and God has put the opportunity in front of me. I shouldn't expect life to be easy, but I'll never enjoy it to the extent God wants me to if I only do what's easy. My first goal is to run a 5k on June 18th. I want to run the whole thing (no stopping and walking) in under 12min/mile pace. Not ambitious on the time, but I'm a wuss and I ALWAYS stop and walk during my runs. Right now, I run about 5-7 minutes before I walk, then alternate every 3-5 min of walking and running... which is good training for someone out of shape and who stinks at endurance... but I need to step it up, push myself, and get to running longer stretches over the next few weeks.

As I come to mind, please pray for me! Pray that I just get up and put the work in, even when I don't feel like it or when it's inconvenient. Pray that mostly, God uses this time in my life to make Himself more known to me, to those around me and that it all glorifies Him. Sorry I hardly ever post, but hopefully you still love me just the same :) I'll keep you posted on how the training is going. Today's run was good, not amazing, but it was one of my longer runs without as much walking... making progress but more slowly than I want to be. Thanks for your support... I couldn't do anything without it!

Pictures!

Posted by Joellen Monday, April 18, 2011 3:57 PM 0 comments
So, since I had decided to no longer pursue a career as a portrait photographer (for the time being) I have HARDLY picked up my nice camera at all!! Shame on me! My boys are growing, I need pictures!

Today, my good friend Dar and I headed out to this old church in Dayton, OR to get some pics of the boys and let them run around the park. Fun times!! I love this photo location... I'm going to need to be careful not to overdo it there. The boys loved it! They are growing up very fast. Cole is adding words to his vocabulary every day and Asher is growing so much in his ability to understand the world around him. He's still such a concrete thinker - but is beginning to understand things a little more abstractly as time goes by. It's hard to explain - things like, I told him a few months ago that his number stamped washed off, then he asked to look in the sink and find the number... he didn't understand how ink washes off separately, not as a whole number. It was cute!

Anyway, I don't have the brain power to sit and write about everything the boys are doing - enjoy the pics!


My FAVORITE picture of Cole ever - perfect!



So thoughtful.



"I can't open it."



"It's locked mama!"



Watching tractors.



Getting bored.



This is Cole on Sunday, messing on papa's iPad.



He's getting pretty good at this soccer game :)