The Armstrong 5

I'm pretty excited that I actually signed up to run a 5k. I am also, sometimes, totally out of my mind! ;) I have been "training" for it for a few months - nothing completely consistent until the last month tho. And let me tell you, I really stink at longer distances. I know, 3 miles hardly counts as a longer distance, but for me it does! Until college, I had never run further than a mile. And even the miles I had run, were just a few timed runs for school, not EVER on a regular basis. In college we did a lot of 20 min runs and it was rare that I made it the whole way without walking - maybe 50/50.

Some of you probably saw my post on FB about the run and in an effort to encourage me, my older sister said something like "if all else fails, run a 10 min mile." Problem is, I barely make it 1.5 miles running slower than that! I know, I told you, I really stink! But I am getting better and I hope to make the whole 3.12 miles without walking!! Eek!

So, this week, I'm running at least 4 days a week (compared to my regular 3) and I plan on trying to make it over 2 miles of solid running at least once this week. I also plan on driving the route of the actual race and possibly taking the boys on a run through part of the route, since it is within walking distance of my house.

I've really gone back and forth about if I want people to come and "watch" me run. I loved having people come and watch me long jump, high jump and hurdle, and if it was a good day, I didn't mind the audience for triple jump either. The 400m was never an event I trained for, but somehow, I got wrangled into running one for a relay a few times. My most embarrassing race ever was not actually the 100m hurdle race where I fell over the first hurdle, but actually my TERRIBLE 800m at the end of my heptathlon. I think mostly, these longer races really prove that I have no guts! When the rubber meets the road, I'm tired of hurting, tired of trying and would rather quit than get a bad time. Bummer. I hate admitting this about myself, but I'm trying to deal with it and I know this is an area of my life God desires me to have His victory in. I need to worry less about appearances, give my all, trust God will sustain me and let that be enough. I don't need to be better than someone else, even though it drives me and frankly, it's more fun! I just need to focus on working on the things God puts in front of me! This is so applicable in SOOOOO many areas of my life.

No sighing though! It's time I dealt with it!! So, my race is June 18th, here in McMinnville, starting at 9am. You can view the route of the race here. It's for the McMinnville Habitat for Humanity and I'm happy to be running for a cause that tangibly helps people. While I'm still not sure I can meet my goal, I'm becoming a bit more confident that I'm close. I think if I can get a 2.5 mile run in before the race I'll be a bit more determined :) And let's all pray that I have the guts to stay determined and push through in my last few weeks of training and during race-time. Depending on how this goes, I might also run this race - The Bowerman AC. If Tracy gets her butt in gear, her and Mark C. might run too!

Thanks for following my sparatic blog posts... maybe someday I'll be more diligent, but, not likely this month - well, maybe ;) You'll just have to check back to find out!

Last night, Mark and I had a fabulous time seeing Jimmy Eat World at the Wonder Ballroom in Portland. It was awesome! I've loved their music ever since Mark introduced me to them when we were first engaged. And now, I just love it even more! They had great stage presence, were not crazy wild but totally into their music, they sounded great live, the venue was awesome - definitely one of my favorite dates with Mark :)

Anyway, if you've never heard of Jimmy Eat World, I suggest you go and buy a couple of their CD's, if not all of them! Futures is one of my favorites. And Bleed American is definitely a classic, and I believe many of you know the song "The Middle" off of that album - it's in a lot of movies and shows.

So, here are a couple of videos I took of the concert - take a few minutes to watch/listen - you'll be glad you did! They are very talented and their music just moves me. Mark and I were close to the front, right behind a woman in a wheelchair so we had a great view of the concert. Enjoy!!

23 - off the album Futures - full song


Sweetness - off the album Bleed American - last minute of the song


Let it Happen - off the album Chase the Light - over a minute of the song

I'm learning a lot more about myself lately. Which is good and bad. Good because it ALWAYS leads to me realizing that I need God more than I think, and bad because, well, again, I realize I need God and see how lowly I really am.

One thing I'm seeing (and many of you probably already know this about me) is that I'm really bad at setting goals. I'm also really bad at following through on things I want to do. Yes, the two are DEFINITELY linked! I don't set goals b/c I am afraid of not meeting them. I'm afraid of telling anyone my goals b/c I don't want to be made fun of or questioned about my talents, desires, abilities, etc. And this is the big one, I'm really afraid of setting goals b/c I am afraid of the commitment it will take to achieve those, and I am always secretly wondering if I can really do it.

I also give up VERY easily. Ugh. See what I mean about learning about myself? I've only done 2 things for a semi-extended amount of time. Track and photography. And with track, when I wasn't in school, I went to practices on and off for a month the first year, and maybe 2 months the year after that. Not impressive. With photography, I did it for a while, but I never really sacrificed anything to be better at it or make myself "known" or excel in it. I did what most people would do and therefore, got where most people get... not anywhere too significant.

This has been weighing on me greatly. Mostly b/c I am training to compete in track and field next year. Probably just a few open meets. But I fear that I will chicken out during the summer, fall and winter, then come track season, I'll know that I'm not in great shape and therefore set no goals for myself, and will likely come up with some other excuse to just not do it. But then, I'll go to a few meets and mope about how good I was, how I threw it all away and just be down on myself. How do I break this cycle??

The truth is, I cannot break this cycle. This is human nature. God has to do something about it. But I also have to be brave and bold enough to ask God to help me. Which means not fearing man and only fearing myself stopping God through my own laziness and fears. Does this make sense? I like things to be easy - finding babysitting, taking time out of my day to train, making arrangements and planning in general... I get overwhelmed and frustrated at these things. But I'm learning that these things are just life! Life with a family, life with people and loved ones.

Overall, I need to relax and trust God for all the difficulties - whether physical or mentally conceived. I need to rely on God while just picking myself up and getting through it. I need help too. While I'm very scared of setting goals or putting my terrible long-distance runs on facebook, I need to be vulnerable and let other people push me towards using the gifts God has given me. Whether my gifting in track will be used for my own competition or just for coaching others using their gifts, it's about time I learn to let other people see my struggles and not to get down about it. God has redeemed me and if I truly believe this, it's enough to get me through anything! No matter how bad I jump or hurdle, no matter how hectic my days are, no matter how much pain or fatigue I am suffering from, God can totally handle it. And all these small physical struggles will be nothing compared to experiencing God's glory once I die.

All this to say, I hope you friends will help me out! You don't have to watch my kids (well, maybe once in a while) or cook me meals or go shopping for me. I just need you to encourage me to stay on the path I am choosing. I'm choosing it because I am so drawn to it and God has put the opportunity in front of me. I shouldn't expect life to be easy, but I'll never enjoy it to the extent God wants me to if I only do what's easy. My first goal is to run a 5k on June 18th. I want to run the whole thing (no stopping and walking) in under 12min/mile pace. Not ambitious on the time, but I'm a wuss and I ALWAYS stop and walk during my runs. Right now, I run about 5-7 minutes before I walk, then alternate every 3-5 min of walking and running... which is good training for someone out of shape and who stinks at endurance... but I need to step it up, push myself, and get to running longer stretches over the next few weeks.

As I come to mind, please pray for me! Pray that I just get up and put the work in, even when I don't feel like it or when it's inconvenient. Pray that mostly, God uses this time in my life to make Himself more known to me, to those around me and that it all glorifies Him. Sorry I hardly ever post, but hopefully you still love me just the same :) I'll keep you posted on how the training is going. Today's run was good, not amazing, but it was one of my longer runs without as much walking... making progress but more slowly than I want to be. Thanks for your support... I couldn't do anything without it!